Dear Pastor,

Pleasant day. Maybe not everybody has bad habits but certainly the majority of individuals have some. However, the problem begins when a person brings their bad habits into a relationship. This creates problems or conflicts. Even if they have good intentions for making the relationship work, on occasion the bad habits are so ingrained that it stops them from connecting. The following are a number of the many bad habits inside a relationship that may cause it to fail:

Suspicion can often plague lots of fine relationships. Here we are not talking about when somebody feels jealousy because they have every reason to believe their partner is cheating on them. The bad habit of jealousy within a relationship is when, for instance, a boyfriend frequently believes his girlfriend is messing about with other men. A woman could think at her husband is constantly on the lookout for another female to take her place. In either case, the jealous one has a bad habit, as they are simply leaping to conclusions without any reason to suspect their partner is considering or, in reality, having an affair.

Not listening, or selective hearing, as it is called, is another bad habit that becomes an issue in relationships. Some people don't pay attention to their partners' needs because they purely don't listen. One person could be trying to explain something is essential to them, and the other will merely say, "Yes, yes," but they will not truly hear. Once the partner with the selective hearing bad habit hears something that interests them, abruptly they begin to listen and become very much an integral part of the conversation. Obviously, this can cause a lot of antagonism and promptly erode a relationship.

Various people in lengthy relationships can acquire the bad habit of counting on their partners for everything. This dependency on the other person could cause them to be powerless to take care of themselves. Often they won't take any interest in their work, as they believe it does not matter so much as they are going to be taken care of by their partner. This kind of bad habit is particularly destructive since it might take over each aspect of their lives.

Disagreements are one thing but it is how they are performed that makes a distinction. Most healthy relationships have their ups and downs, along with arguments. When they turn into a bad habit, it is after they end up with one individual screaming at the other on the top of their lungs. Another aspect is if someone might begin throwing things about, or another might mention former arguments that have been dead and buried, solely to harm the other person. These are all bad habits because they are not constructive forms of conversing or arguing about a problem.

Nagging and blaming are bad habits that may sneak into relationships. Nagging is portrayed as bad habits of women but men do it too. On occasion, both partners nag each other, which will make an extremely harmful relationship.

It's important for us, as individuals, to respect each other's issues and try our very best to either stop it or to compromise to make both individuals work with it. As long as we are open-minded to change, then all that is well will end well.

W.C.,

Dear W.C.,

When a couple learns to respect each other and to communicate, they are willing to adjust and do their best to drop bad habits. Nobody is perfect, and sometimes culture has a lot to do with what some may call bad habits - because what is accepted in one culture may not be accepted in another. People in inter-racial marriages have bigger adjustments to make. Even married folks from different islands may find what is considered to be a bad habit in one island, may be acceptable in the other.

I thank you for your letter. Do write again.

Pastor