I am married to a 35-year-old man. I am 25 years old. When I met this man he was nice and loving. Then, one day, someone in the community told me that he had another woman and that she was pregnant by him. But by this time I had already fallen in love with this man way too much. So I asked him about the other woman and he began to tell me that she used to treat him really badly and that they were not together anymore and the child is not his.

I started to grow to love this man more and more every day. When he asked me to marry him, at first, I refused. But, after talking to both sides of the family, they all agreed that it was not a bad idea so I accepted his marriage proposal. A few months later the baby was born and he continued to deny that the child was his. He was 34 years old at the time and asked me if I would give him a child. We started planning for our baby and our wedding soon afterwards.

baby and some pictures

I stopped working two weeks before the wedding so that I could make wedding preparations. One day, I was out and my phone rang and I heard that the woman is next door and the man who is to be married in two days called her and told her that he wants the baby and some pictures. Pastor, the phone fell from my hand. I was shocked. I asked him about it when I got home. He denied it and said that she called him but he did not answer the phone. I asked him if he still wanted to go through with the wedding and he said yes.

We got married in February 2010 and I was three months pregnant at the time. They started calling each other every day. He also started to go to meet with her on his days off. Whenever they are together and I call him, he would get upset and say a lot of mean things to me. Was this man trying to get over her and saw me as an opportunity to do so? But why get married and tie up my life?

the argument

When we have an argument, he would call her and tell her about the argument. I try not to be stressed but I cannot help it. Ever since the incident, my weight has been down. I am scared that this might affect my baby. The due date for my baby has passed two weeks now.

Pastor, even as I am writing you, he told me he was going to meet her. I am to go to the hospital for a C-section and he has not shown a bit of concern. I gave him one final chance to tell me the truth about the baby. He told me that the baby is his child and he didn't tell me because he wanted a child from me.

How can I love my husband again after he has hurt me so much? How do I trust him? I pray and ask God to change him and change my heart to find a way to forgive him. Please give me your advice while I continue to wait on God for a change.

Thanks in advance.

C., Manchester, Jamaica

Dear C.,

Try to remain calm. Your husband evidently does not know how much he has hurt you and how much he is making himself a fool. He could have been a real man by telling you the truth. He did not have to lie. And he did not have to trick you. However, right now focus on your baby. And, after you are feeling strong, try to deal with your husband by insisting that both of you go to see a family counsellor.

I hope that you did not totally give up your job. If you did, you should seek another job. You need to be in a position where you can support yourself. You cannot rely on your husband who has proven to be a liar. He is also unreliable. Nothing would please his child's mother more than to see you suffer. Don't you get into any argument with her. Keep close to your relatives. You are going to need their help. Read you Bible and pray. Prayer can move mountains, so to speak.

Pastor