Dear Pastor,

I am writing this letter to you on behalf of my mother who is in a terrible stage at this time due to her past. I am 25 and my mother is 46. This morning my mother broke down in tears, telling me of the terrible ordeals of her life. Her uncle raped her. Pastor, even now I am shocked, as I knew he had raped other members of the family. I was not aware that my mother was a victim as well.

My mother was not sent to school when she was a child. Her mother had all of them and left them to live at their grandparent's home. My mother was always beaten, sent to feed the pigs, sent to the market with her grandmother and helped her to sell fish. She was always hungry and was always running away due to the bad treatment she was getting.

My mother was brought up in fear. She told me when she was being raped by her uncle he held a knife at her throat and threatened that if she should ever tell anyone, he would kill her and bury her in the sand. I always knew the story about the bad treatment, her running away and the beating. She can barely read. I taught her how to read the Book of Genesis and the Gospel of St. John, which have kept her going.

terrible past

My mother's past is terrible and is much more than what I am saying now, but I have to let you and the entire Jamaica know because I feel as though I cannot deal with this matter on my own, knowing so much and watching her cry daily and getting depressed. My mother is really strong to have kept this secret for many years, not sharing it with anyone at all, not even me. She was frightened and scared and mentioned she did not want the scandal, as people know about what had happened to her sister but they didn'tknow it happened had to her also.

I am very depressed about this. I cannot understand or see how a man, who is an uncle, raping his niece several times, even when she became pregnant. Her mother is also very cruel to have just left all her girl children behind, not knowing how they were being treated by their grandparents, the lack of food, and beatings.

My mother has always been doing domestic work. I know many people are going through tribulation right now and are mentally ill, due to worst crimes than this, but everyone has to speak for themself. Now that my mother has told me what happened, everything makes sense. She is so protective of me and wants what is best for me. She tried, every step of the way, to make me happy. She sent me to school. She looked out for me in every way. At one stage, when I was around eight, my mother and I was living with her boyfriend and he started to touch me in places he should not have.

being protective

He told me things like he would buy me earrings etc, but I should not tell anyone. when I told my mother, she left him instantly. So, you see, pastor, I guess my mother has always been looking out for me, as she knew all this time what had happen to her. I am now sending out a prayer request everywhere, seeking help for my mother. I even called her mother and told her. She started crying, saying she did not know and made all manner of excuses and switched the conversation about what she had been through. I concluded by saying, look what you have been through, therefore, you should not have allowed this to happen to your children.

This so-called uncle I am talking about, raped my mother, lives in Clarendon with his wife and kids and has totally forgotten about his dirty crime, not to mention my mother, a very honest, hard-working god-fearing woman, and I encouraged her mother to let us go into the church because there is no better and sweeter life than to serve God almighty. Her grandmother never used to believe the accusation brought against her son, thinking he would not have done a thing like that, until the secret of my aunty was out in the open. He only went to lock-up once and nothing major happened.

I am also going to contact my mother's doctor and set up an appointment for us , so that my mother can speak to him about it, as it is too much for me to bear and I am devastated!

I encourage anyone out there who is living with a secret like this to speak up, seek the local authority's attention and fight for justice. If it is even to fight for your right, and it may sound bad, but even to die for your rights! to the mothers who have their children, especially girls, walk and run with them. Do not leave them behind. Men will take advantage of them.

Pastor, I ask for your prayers. Is there anything that can be done now? I know this happened years ago, but can anyone help?

Initial withheld by request

Dear É.,

Although you letter is long, I believe it should be published because it represents what thousands of Jamaican females have had to suffer and endure at the hand of wicked male relatives. The letter speaks for itself.

I will do my best to make arrangement for your mother to see a psychologist free of charge. In the meantime, be assured of my prayers. Be proud of your mother. She has done her very best to protect you. Love her to the max.

Pastor