Blessings an respek to mi propa-propa Tambareen Fambily an mi good-so good-so Mix-Up an Blenda massive. Mi deh ya a write da column ya pon mi birthday, September 6, wid a whole heap a back spasms a murda mi. Mi no know how back spasms hot so! Mi deh ya a play gangsta an a tough it out wen mi really waan bawl like a girl! A joke me a mek. But mi back a kill mi fi real. Nonetheless, mi cyaan wait fi mi Birthday Bash dis Saturday a Mas Camp. A Stone Love an Swatch a lock it. Crazy dancing an bare tings! Raaaaaaeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Wat a dream!!

Anywyaz, unu haffi hear da one ya: mi have a fren up eena Obama land who call mi an tell mi seh she did have a dream weh mek she feel awful. Mi ask har bout di dream. She say she dream seh she did a have a wicked sort out wid a certain person, an how she wake up inna heat an ketch har self a fling out some propa wining. She all explain some oda tings weh me cyan put ya so. So me get puzzled an ask har a wha wrong wid har dream, cause mi no see nuttin wrong wen smaddy have a good wet dream.

She say she upset because a di person who she did a sleep wid. Of course, me ask har a who. Afta bout five minutes a me a assure har say mi naa go tink sinting wrong wid har wen she tell a who. People, a nearly kin ova an bruk mi neck when she say 'Bruce Golding'. Bruce Golding? Noooooo sah! Mi no get it! Mi naa dis di prime minister, but me no see how a young 20-odd year-old, hot gyal can have dem deh heavy sort out dream deh wid Bruce Golding. An people, yuh fi hear how Bruce did a gwaan good! Mad! Him did a deal wid it wicked! Him did all a do di different tings dem! A real ting me a tell unnu.

Anywayz, cause we no bad mind roun ere, a Raga say big-up Bruce Golding who mash up a catty inna har dreams, an mek she wake up stunted an weak to di ting! If a laugh a wet up di people dem farin carpet. Wat a dream! It look like Bruce di 'Driva' drop a piece a unforgettable dream ride pon mi fren. Woooiiieee!

Awright, pree da mix-up ya ...

Rasta Swipa

Raga I have a mix-up from Strathbogie in Westmoreland. Big up di ooman from Strathbogie weh har man go ketch Rasta Man a swipe har, an she put out di man an send him back a Hanover. Dat a no Rasta again him a Dread now, an now she have di dread a carry har pon bicycle.

A weh di backfoot! Noooo sah! But yuh know seh mi know dem tings ya long time. Some people nuh waan yuh talk up dem tings ya, but because Desmond McKenzie neva ask mi fi license mi mout, mi a rinse! People, a no every Rasta a vegetarian! Nuff Rasta nyam meat! Raaaaeeeee! Mi get dem Rasta mix up deh all di time. Puppa Jeeezas! Go see how him jus a flick back di locks fi it no get inna di way! Mi a dead! But we shouldn't be surprised, cause don't a di Rasta dem always a tell wi fi eat right? Mad! But wait deh, inna di mix up ya, so afta di woman man ketch har a get di propa swipe from di ras, she run weh har man back a Hanover? Oh God, see it deh, di ras swipe weh di man woman. Di ting deep though yuh nuh, cause if a woman can lef har good-good man fi a ras weh a toe har pon bicycle, den di ras swipe mus shot like wow!

A nuff ras a dweet. Nuff a dem a tie back dem locks inna pony tail an den launch dem tongue drama. Mi a wonda if wen dem a do di tings dem an it shot, if dem mek di usual rasta cry ... Jah! Raaaasstafari!

Reach Ragashanti at: mixupraga@gmail.com or Box 5866, Liguanea PO, Kingston 6.