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January 14, 2011
Star Tell Me Pastor


Is this how a typical Jamaican man behave?

Dear Pastor,

I am a white American woman, and I have got into a relationship with a Jamaican man. He lives here in the USA. I have come to truly care about this man, but there are a few differences that cause problems.

I have been trying to change my ways to make him happy, like learning to cook his favourite meals and play the 'wife' role, which I have no problem with. Which woman does not want to make her man happy? Anyway, he is a little controlling. He tells me what I do wrong all the time, and what to do, and how to dress, etc. Don't get me wrong, he is a very great man. I want to be the best for him and he is trying to be the best for me. I am not asking for relationship advice because I am happy with him and we are trying to work our differences out.

articles and blogs

I have come to ask if this is just how Jamaican men are like towards their women. I have read articles and blogs about Jamaican men, and a lot of them say that Jamaican men are all the same: womanisers, liars, controlling, and cheaters. I also read a lot about women being abused in Jamaica by their husbands, and incest and rape. Is this how a typical Jamaican man is or just a false stereotype?

I think a man is a man no matter where he was born and raised. I also think maybe that is just how men are brought up to be, the head of the household, and whatever he says goes. Also, is it normal for a Jamaican man to smack his wife when she does something wrong?

S.M. Florida, USA

Dear S.M.,

First of all, let me wish this Jamaican man and you a very successful relationship. I am sure you are aware that an interracial relationship has its problems. However, many such relationships have been very successful, because the couples were determined to work on their problems.

You have been doing your very best to please your man and I congratulate you. In America racial prejudice still exists. And there are some who do not like to see a black person and a white person having an intimate relationship. Believe it or not, some continue to do their best to discourage or even break up such a relationship.

For a long time, some whites have claimed that black men who fell in love with white women were status seekers. One hardly hears that these days. Others have said that white women who are in love with black men were only doing so because they were not able to compete with other white women for white husbands. As a white woman, you know that is utter nonsense.

Then some have insisted that black men from Jamaica are crude, demanding, abusive, liars and cheaters. Of course, we know that such accusations can also be applied to white and black American men, etc. Cheaters know no colour. Many white men and women are cheaters and liars. History is there to prove that to be true.

respected and honoured

Jamaican men love to feel that they are in charge of their home and they demand respect from their household. But that is also true about American men, especially those who were born and grew up in the South. American men who were taught to follow the principles of family life do insist that they should be respected and honoured in their homes. And there are many American men, black and white who were grown up in the church and were taught to treat their women with respect.

It is not acceptable for an American white or black man to smack his wife, but many have done so. And it is not acceptable for a black Jamaican man to abuse his woman either. Many who have done so in America have had to spend time in jail for such an offence and that also is true in Jamaica.

If you have doubts about your relationship, seek professional help.


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