Home - The Star
March 29, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor


 

Extremly jealous babydaddy

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I am 25 years old and I am pregnant with my third child. I had my first child when I was 18 years old, and his father got himself into trouble and ran away.

Out of the blue, I heard from him, but at that time I was involved with another man. He didn't like what I told him, but he promised that he would support his child. He started to send money, and the next thing I heard about him is that he was dead. That is what his brother told me. It seems like he was a member of a gang.

The man I am living with is a jealous man. He doesn't like me to go anywhere and he has lots of women, but I can't talk to any man and let him see. If we are going for a drive with the children and a man should look at me, he questions that. And he wants to know where I met him, and sometimes I don't know the person at all.

I am of brown complexion and you know some Jamaican men like people of my hue. He is very dark in every way, in colour and intelligence. He doesn't hit me, but he is always warning me that if I cheat on him police will have to come for him. He drinks and smokes, but I can't give him bad name when it comes to taking care of the house. If I want something for myself, I have to ask many times before I get it.

He has a bank account and he puts money in and takes it out as fast as he puts it in. I know it is his other women he is supporting why he doesn't have more money. I found a letter in his pocket from a girl who told him that the abortion was going to cost $15,000. I asked him about it and he told me that the girl was lying on him, because he had sex with her but he used a condom. Pastor, I cannot take it with this man. I want to leave him but I am afraid that he will really do me something bad.

My father has promised to give me a piece of land to build a house, but I don't want this man to live in any house that I build. I am asking you for your advice.

L.E.

Dear L.E.,

You seem to be saying that if this man would stop drinking and smoking and learn to control his jealousy and stop his womanising, he would make a good husband. Right now, he takes care of the home and you. But, you are unhappy because he does not allow you much freedom. He is paranoid and he does not have any self-confidence. He does not realise that you are a wonderful woman. If you were not a good woman, you would have other men in your life and he wouldn't be aware of it regardless how much he is trying to watch you.

Some men don't realise that it does not make sense watching a woman. If a woman wants to be bad, she could be bad and a man could watch her until his eyes drop out and he wouldn't see anything. Women are smarter cheaters than men. So, this man is behaving like a fool by questioning you about other men and by being overly jealous.

I don't know if you have ever considered asking this man to go with you for counselling. I believe that if he loves you and he receives professional help, he may change. A good family counsellor can work with the both of you if he is willing to put away his womanising and stick with you alone.

I observe that you did not say that you do not love him. What you can't take is his lifestyle and his attitude towards you. So, don't 'throw' him away, so to speak. Try and convince him to go for counselling. If of course he refuses to go, talk to your father and tell him that you would like to leave him and you need his help.

I hope that you will tell me what progress you have made, if any.

Pastor

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