DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? WRITE TO: TELL ME PASTOR, DR AARON DUMAS, PO BOX 188, KING STREET, KINGSTON. TELEPHONE

929-1667/8 EMAIL: PASTOR@JAMAICASTAR.COM

Dear Pastor,

I am a 20-year-old female, but to be honest, the whole world has collapsed upon me. I have been in a relationship from I was 14. I hope this doesn't seem like I am a 'bad girl', as in Jamaican terms. I didn't grow up with a father figure in my life and my mother was always working long hours doing bartending. I was always left alone, especially on weekends or holidays. I am not the friendly type of person so I never had close friends, only associates.

The fact that I had a boyfriend and started having sex so early did not stop me from excelling in school though. I got all my eight CXC subjects in ones and twos and was always awarded with trophies annually for my excellent performances. However, because of financial difficulties I was unable to continue my studies. I got a job when I was 18 at a hotel and my mother and I moved to live in Westmoreland with my stepfather.

I worked in Westmoreland for two years and my relationship with the guy I was with from I was 14 still continued. When I started working and getting to understand the world better, I realised that this guy was definitely the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

struggles

I remember while I was in high school the struggles I encountered because mother was unemployed in my last year of high school. He was my best friend and boyfriend at the time and he knew my financial problems, and yet he never tried to help me in any way. I remember when I was 16 while I was still with him I was conning older guys in their late 30s and 40s who I knew nothing about, in order to get money and food to eat.

I wasn't the type to give up sex easily, but I was a 'connist' and these older guys used to have oral sex with me and pay me. When I saw that it was going too far, I stopped and my boyfriend didn't even try to help me and he was employed. Anyway, I continued the relationship with him because I loved him and he was fulfilling that gap in my life that always seems like an empty space. While working, I became so sexual and I was only able to see him once per month. I started becoming very promiscuous with my oral sex partners. I have had about six vaginal sex partners and the relationship with one lasted for about a month and all the others were less than a month. I even took a guy who was selling CDs home and had sex with him. I even took the owner of a jewellery store home and made him my oral sex toy. All this was because I wanted someone to be there for me or show a little care. I told my boyfriend all this because I want to have truth in my relationship.

lost my job

Last year December I lost my job and because I have a lot of furniture and the truck driver said it was $24,000 to move them here, I let them stay at my stepfather's place, although he and my mother are no longer together. I only took my clothes and my boyfriend. My boyfriend lives with his father and I don't have anywhere else to go. My mother also left her furniture at my stepfather's house and is staying with her mother. There is not space for me there, hardly any for her and my younger sibling.

In about February 2012, I learnt I have an STI (pelvic inflammatory disease). I suspected I got it from an ex-boyfriend of mine two years ago, and all this while I was being treated for yeast infection. I got cured and I told my boyfriend. He went to the doctor and got a prescription, but until now he claims that he is not able to afford to buy the medications.

This man is so unambitious. I don't like his house because the living condition is deplorable. His father is a nice person and he is the one providing food and paying the bills. My boyfriend works minimum wage, yet he doesn't want to search for any other job. He doesn't have a bank account and he smokes. He smokes so hard that it stinks and turns me off a lot. I spoke to him about all these stuff and yet he thinks it is hard to stop. I love sex very much, and though we live together I have sex once in every two weeks because my love for him does not connect anymore. Every evening he comes in late smelling like cigarette, then eats, shower and sleeps. I am like nothing to him and he claims to love me. In fact, we got engaged two years ago.

I have to still be begging another man who likes me. I am very unhappy and my current boyfriend knows everything and he never mention it or ask how I feel. Whenever he sees me crying, he just ignores me and sleeps.

I am not the lazy type. I am searching for a job but I haven't found any as yet. Please help me to find a good partner, a job and to find a stable home where I can be happy and can continue my studies and help my family.

C.H.

Dear C.H.,

You need spiritual transformation. You mean well, but you recognise that you are heading in the wrong direction. And I want you to know that if you are willing to surrender your life to God, life would take on new meaning. Your boyfriend cannot help you and you have tried many other men, but they have left you depressed and feeling empty. What I can assure you is that God can meet your needs and turn your life around.

I will do my best to help you. You will hear from me further.

Pastor