Home - The Star
May 28, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor


Bruised during sex

Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you. I am 21 and my boyfriend is 23. When I was 19 I had sex for the first time but it was with a man that I did not like. I was at home not working and he used to come by and talk to me. I was living with my father and his girlfriend at the time. My father loves me very much but his girlfriend did not like me. She was always telling lies on me.

First my father believed her, but I showed my father why I wouldn't do the things she said I was doing. She even told my father that she missed some money and my father told her he did not believe I took the money. One day I wanted someone to talk to and this guy invited me out. I didn't know Kingston very well. I went out with him and before he took me home, we had sex. I was vex with him because he did not use a condom.

oral sex

Now Pastor, I have a boyfriend and I love him. He has his own taxi and he takes good care of me. He got a job in a restaurant for me. My father got rid of his girlfriend so I am still living at my father's house. We have a good relationship. My father knows my boyfriend. They get along well. But Pastor, every time my boyfriend and I have sex my vagina is bruised up and I am in pain. I always bleed sometimes more than other times. He told me I would get accustomed to his size but I can't get accustomed. He does not like to see me cry so we do oral sex most of the time. Is it wrong to do oral sex? I am waiting for your fatherly advice.

O. M.

Dear OM.,

May I suggest that you go to a doctor and discuss this problem with him. Perhaps you should consider going to a gynaecologist. It might help your boyfriend to accompany you and listen to the doctor. You would receive the appropriate advice. Some people might find it difficult to understand that a man can be so large that having sex with his woman can be very painful.

see a medical doctor

There is a condition from which some women suffer called vaginismus.

A woman who suffers from this condition, if she is tense and afraid to have sexual intercourse, her vaginal muscles tighten up and it becomes almost impossible for the man to penetrate her with his penis. That happens to virgins more often than with women who are accustomed to having sex. However, whenever a woman is having pain during intercourse, she should see a medical doctor.

About your concern regarding oral sex, I could only say that some counsellors condemn the practice while others say nothing is wrong with it. I do not advocate or condemn, it is solely up to a couple whether they wish to engage in the practice.


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