Dear Pastor,

I married a Christian man who was introduced to me through his pastor who I met in Jamaica whilst doing charity work at a children's home. I am also a Christian and I reside in the UK. He is living in Canada. I believe this man and I trusted him due to his belief.

We got married in 2006 and I visited him as often as possible. The last time I visited I noticed that his behaviour and attitude had changed. He is not very good with money so every time I visited him, there was nothing in the flat so I had to do a big shopping.

Problems began when I heard him on the phone asking a woman from the same church for money. I challenged him on this matter and he became verbally abusive towards me. I did not expect this behaviour from him. During the course of the night, he took all my clothing and said I should leave his flat. The only person I knew in Canada was his sister who lives an hour from him. I had to take a cab. He sat by and watched me leave without saying a word.

I return to the UK before it was time to leave. Since then, I have no inclination to return to him. He called me and left some awful things on the phone, so much so that I had to change my phone number.

Let me point out that I was married before. I divorced my first husband because he committed adultery which resulted in a child. This man in Canada is a widower and he has four beautiful children and they are all grown. in fact, he is a grandfather. He doesn't have anything to do with his children and I don't know why. His mother died in Jamaica and I went to support him and his family. I only found out because I rang his sister in Canada. I have just found out that his dad has also died. I found this out only because I rang his brother in Jamaica. He has my mobile number but chose not to call. The last contact I had with him was in 2011.

On my birthday in June, he sent a card asking me to call him. I don't really want to in case he becomes abusive. I will be grateful for your advice.

C.

Dear C.,

You would be a fool to go back to this man. He is out of order. He is arrogant, disrespectful and cruel. He is not a family man. You are too decent for him. Regardless of how angry he felt, when both of you had a disagreement in Canada, he should not pack your bags and asked you to leave his flat. That is not how a decent gentleman should treat his wife.

Men are to be protectors of their women. They should not destroy them emotionally, psychologically or physically. Your husband has trampled upon your dignity. Regardless of what you might have done, he should have been man enough to exercise restraint and treat you with respect.

So the question is: why would want to go back to this man? You seem to be amazed that you weren't informed when your parents died. Why should you be surprised at that? He is not a family man. And he doesn't care about you anyway.

I believe that you want this relationship to work and it bothers you because this is your second marriage. But you have nothing to be ashamed of. The shame is not on you. It is on the man who has fooled you and given you the impression that he was a good Christian. Don't worry, God will sustain you and meet your needs in every way.

Pastor