Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your column. Indeed, you are doing an excellent work. I am 16 and I am trying to build a mother-daughter relationship with my mother. I became a Christian a few years ago which I don't regret because I love to sing. Lately, I have found myself not going to church because I don't see the sense believing in God and I don't have love inside of me.

Six years ago since the death of my father, my mother has been acting like we are enemies. We are neck to neck with each other every day. It is not like she and my father were together, so I don't know why the big change. My father wasn't there for me, but at least I knew that I had one. She only shows that she cares but I personally think that is not all a mother is about. Everything I do is a problem to her.

hindrance

I am not sexually active. I am not in wrongdoing and I attend school whenever she sends me, so I am not a bad or problem child. It seems as if I am a hindrance to her. I have that feeling in my stomach that she regrets giving birth to me because she always says that it is because of me why she is sitting here.

At times I feel like checking myself into a girls' home, running away or committing suicide. I am tired. My life is miserable and as a teenager I think I am facing too much. I am not being loved and I don't know how to show love.

Pastor, I really need your help and please keep my family and me in your prayers. God Bless.

Miserable Teenager

Dear Miserable Teenager,

Evidently your mother loved your father. And although they were not living together and had an intimate relationship anymore, the love for him remained and she regrets his passing. You don't seem to understand why his death has affected her so much. But my dear, the truth is, unless you were in a similar position, you will never appreciate what she is going through.

rebellious rude

I believe that your mother has said some unfortunate things to you that she should not have said. For example, she should not tell you that because of you she has not made progress. That is not a good thing for a parent to say to a child, because it would give the child the impression that she is not loved and wanted. So I understand why you feel confused and why you react to your mother negatively. In other words, you have become rebellious and perhaps rude. I do believe that you are a good girl and I hope that what I am saying to you will help you to understand your mother a little better.

When I read your letter I wondered whether your father had left anything for you in his will and whether his siblings or other family members are assisting you. If they are not, then the strain is on your mother and it is likely to affect her to the point where she would overreact when both of you have a disagreement, even over minor things.

You need to love your mother and learn how to relate to her. If you want to know how to love, go to the Bible and read First Corinthians 13 and put into practice what you have read. May God be with you, and please let me hear from you again.

Pastor