Dear Pastor,

I am in my 40s and I have been married for 20 years. My husband does not understand what women need and when you try to tell him, he doesn't care. He goes to work every day, including holidays, yet the bills still pile up. He never remembers birthdays or any special days and he never buys a gift. When I buy him anything, he gladly takes it.

Pastor, he doesn't know what love is. He only wants to eat cooked food, have clean clothes and anything else he loves. I have two children, 18 and 21 years old, and both of them are going to college. He never spends time with his son. He is always on the go. I have to be at their school at all events and everywhere.

One day, my stepson and my son's graduations were on the same day and I had to rush from one graduation to the other. He gives the children money for school as long as he has the money, but he does not know the importance of spending time with his family. Please tell me what you think about this.

L.S.

Dear L.S.,

Your husband has his faults, but he knows that education is important. You would wish, and rightly so, that he would spend more time with his family. I don't believe that you should criticise him too much because he doesn't buy gifts on what you would consider as special events and birthdays. Perhaps he con-siders buying gifts on these days as a waste of money. He doesn't seem to be a mean man. Perhaps he needs a little help in understanding how to strengthen the family.

There are men who leave everything to their wives when it comes to the children and attending school functions, etc. They fail to realise that the children love to see both parents in attendance.

Go easy on your husband. Lovingly encourage him to continue to do his best, but show him the areas that he needs to improve without giving him the impression that you are trying to control him.

Pastor