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November 13, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor


Big mistake

Dear Pastor,

I have been living with a man for six years. We have two children together. He had two children before we met. They are twins. This man cannot hold a job. He has done many types of jobs at different business places, but he is always getting fired because he likes to curse and he has been disrespectful to those he worked for.

He finally told me that he didn't want to work for anybody again; he wanted to do his own business. He told me that if he had $2 million, he would open up a business. I went to my father and begged him to give me a loan of $2 million. I lied to my father. I told him that I had seen a piece of land and I could get it for $3 million. My father was glad and he withdrew $2 million from his savings. I gave it to my boyfriend. And, pastor, he took the money and instead of doing the business that he said he was going to do, he used $1.5 million to buy a car and was running robot taxi and sporting girls.

My father keeps asking me to take him to see the land, and I have to be making excuses. I told my boyfriend to sell the car and let me give back my father the money. He did not have to buy such an expensive car. My father and I get along very well. When he gave me the money, he told me that to own a piece of land is a solid investment. He gave me his blessings. Now I don't know what to do.

These days, my boyfriend is hardly coming home. He said he has contracts to take people to work and he has to pick them up late at night. I don't trust him anymore, and I am sorry I lied to my father. When I got the money from him, I couldn't tell him that I was going to give it to my boyfriend to do business because he doesn't like my boyfriend. He refers to him as a lazy boy.

My boyfriend has no savings at all and people from his side of the family are illiterate. His sisters are always on the road selling bag juice and snacks.

Pastor, please tell me what to do. I am working. I don't have to depend on him. When I became friendly with him, I was a virgin. When I was leaving my father's house, my father cried and told me that I was making a mistake and he was sure I could get a better man. But by that time, my father didn't know that I was six weeks pregnant.


Dear N.G.,

I suggest that you try your very best to give back your father the money. It is very unfortunate that you lied to him. He is a good father. He gave you the money because he was happy to know that you were trying to buy a piece of real estate. You made a fundamental mistake by giving this man the money. You haven't said what type of business he told you he wanted to do with the money.

Evidently, he is not a hard worker. It might have taken your father a long time to save money to be in a position to give you that loan. Your boyfriend has disappointed you. Your father was right all along. He is not a good man. Why would a man use $1.5 million to buy a car to use as a robot taxi? How do you know that the car cost him $1.5 million? You should impress upon him that he should sell the car and return the money to you.

If you are a member of a credit union, you should go to them and try to borrow money and return the full amount of $2 million to your father. I don't know how you would get around the lie you have told him about purchasing the piece of land, but at least you would have returned the money to your dad.

I further suggest that you discuss the relationship that you are having with your children's father and that you suggest that both of you should go to see a family counsellor because unless he gets help, the relationship is bound to fail.


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