Home - The Star
November 15, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor


Having a hard time

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years of age and I lived with my mother for 17 years of my life. My dad dropped in once in a while. I am not even proud to call him my dad, but I made it through. I started working from 8th grade so I could ease some pressure off my mother since she has six of us. I did baby-sitting, supermarket work and other little stuff up until 11th grade.

When it was time for me to sit the CXC examination, a lady who I was helping to look after her sons helped me because my mother didn't have it. I did five subjects and I was successful in four. After getting my results, I moved to live with my father to take some of the pressure off my mother and put some expense on my father. I tried to get a job, but I didn't. So I got myself registered in the Heart Trust/NTA programme to do a course in early-childhood development, because I love teaching and children.

I made the graduation list, which cost $8,000 at the time. I asked my dad to help my mother with some of the money, but the first thing he uttered was that he was not going to sell any of his goats.

I met a guy at the time and I told him about my graduation fees and he promised me that he was going to help me to pay for it, but it didn't work out because he had some problems to get his pay at work. So I just took it off my mind.

This guy would visit and call me at least 10 times for the day to find out if I was OK and if I ate. In the nights after work he would come over and spend some time with us. There wasn't any current at our house, so we used candle and lamp. One night, the lamp ran out of kerosene oil and the guy came to check on me and overheard my dad saying to me "kerosene done." Right away, he offered to go and buy $100 worth of kerosene. From that night everything changed. My dad started to ask him to buy kerosene every time he ran out. He even stopped providing dinner and he would go away leaving my little sister and me with the guy and not come back home until early the next morning. I can say that my father sold me out to a man for a $100 worth of kerosene.

My boyfriend and I broke up a few times but made up. The last time we went back together, his house had finished. I was still not working, but he didn't mind. He always tells me not to blame myself for things, because it takes time and I will get a job.

The last fight we had, he went for a machete to chop me. I got it from him and I asked him if he wanted me to chop him. I moved out of his house and went to live with my cousin.

Upon going to live with my cousin, I had to depend on her for everything. I got a job as a bartender.

One day, I asked her to lend me some money to pay my taxi fare until I got my pay and she said she didn't have any. I started to make my own money and get tips. I even started to make new friends and her friends started to become friendly with me. She got jealous and started to treat me unkindly because I was still under her roof.

One day she went too far and I just couldn't take it anymore. I answered her. I knew she was going to tell me to get out of her house, so I went for my things. She came and she opened the door and I got them. We almost had a fight before I left. That night, I had to sleep at a guy's house who I hardly knew. He didn't take advantage of my situation. I had to give him thumbs up for that. So I had to move back to my dad's place, even though we are still in malice.

Luckily, I met another guy and he was living close to Ocho Rios. So I asked him if I could stay at his place on the weeks I was working and go home when I am not. It would be a bit of a problem when his girlfriend would want to visit, but he said yes. We became more than just friends, but I wasn't happy because I knew he had his girlfriend.

One day, I asked him for fare to go to work and he made a big deal out of it, causing us to almost have an argument. He said that he wants a woman to take care of him instead of him taking care of her. I felt so low. Every night when I come in, he wants to have sex as if I am his sex machine.

One day we were having sex and he removed the condom and discharged in me. When I started crying, he told me that he will get me the Pill. The next day he went away before I woke. I had to go and buy a pack of Pearl. He took the condom off a second time and insisted he hadn't discharged in me. I asked him to buy the Pill and he would not, because he says he didn't discharge in me. I didn't have any money to buy a pack of Pills, because I had to leave my work, because my boss did not want to pay me.

Pastor, it is more than what I have said. Sometimes I wish I had someone who would listen to me.

I need some advice, please.


Dear S.,

Your mother tried her very best to help you and I must congratulate you for trying to help yourself. You are a very ambitious lady, but your father has not been good to you. He has done absolutely nothing to protect you, neither has he provided for you. He should be ashamed of himself. You are quite right; he sold you out for $100 worth of kerosene. What a disgrace. You deserve all the help you can get.

The young man with whom you are staying during the week is taking advantage of you. It is his wish to get you pregnant. You shouldn't be there at all. Right now, I believe that you need to stay at your father's house until you get another job.

We will be offering you some help. Please call my office and speak to my assistant. The numbers are: 876 929-1667-8, or you may also email me at dumas.dearpastor@gmail.com. My prayers are with you.


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