November 19, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor
LIVING A LIE
I am 30 years old and I am from St. Ann. I have been married for five years but I am going through trials. And I have been living a lie. I do not love my husband. I got married to him because my sister and I were very close and she got married and went to live abroad. I had a boyfriend before I met my husband and he is still not married. We have continued to have sex. Whenever I have sex with my husband, I only do it to satisfy him, but my mind is not in it.
We do not have children. I got pregnant, but it was not for my husband and I had an abortion. I told him it was a miscarriage and he believed, but it was not a miscarriage. I want to leave my husband. I went to the U.S. Embassy to get a visa but I was turned down.
I have two friends who are working in one of the islands and they are trying to get me a job. My husband has agreed for me to go. He is building a house so I told him that I will work and send money to help him to build the house.
My boyfriend told me that he is not going to get married; he is going to wait until I divorce my husband so we can get married. I don't know who to talk to about my problems.
My boyfriend has two children. And sometimes when I see him with the children, I feel jealous. When I got pregnant he gave me the money to do the abortion, but now I am sorry. My husband is very quiet and he doesn't talk very much. He is a hard worker. At present, I am not working. I really want to leave Jamaica. I want to go somewhere where my boyfriend can come. My husband deserves to have somebody in his life who loves him.
I do everything for my husband, such as wash and cook but I don't love him. I thought I would have grown to love him, but that has not been the case. I never thought that I would marry a short man and he is short. The man I love is tall and handsome and I have to look up to him.
Pastor, do you think that I am bad. Please don't tell me not to leave my husband.
If it would make you feel better, I will not tell you not to leave your husband. But I am compelled to tell you that you are a very very bad woman. You are untrustworthy and deceitful. For all these years you have been unfaithful to your husband. I can imagine how the 'bunna man' is laughing at him and looking at him with pity.
If the 'bunna man' thought highly of you and wanted you, he would have proposed to you before allowing you to become entangled with a man who is short in statue. I would not be surprised if this 'bunna man' is not just fooling you and using you, but will never marry you, even if you were to get a divorce.
Can't you see that he doesn't care about you? He knows that you are married and both of you had unprotected sex and he got you pregnant. If he cared, he wouldn't do that. You are acting as if you are walking on your senses.
Perhaps the time has come for you to tell your husband that you are not in love with him and you want a divorce. It is unfair for you to be living with him, while at the same time you are giving away what is rightly his.
Girl, you are wicked.