Home - The Star
November 22, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor


I want back a good relationship with my mom

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column since my friend introduced it to me. I am a 17-year-old girl who will be 18 next month. I finished high school with seven subjects and now I am in sixth form. My problem is that I believe that my family doesn't care about me.

My father is dead and now I am going through stress at my young age. I did something which I knew was wrong, but it was tearing me up inside. I sent a message to my mother, and it caused her to cry. I did so because she is always making complaints that are not true. She says that I don't like her and I prefer people over her and that I never do anything for her.

could remember

One day, we were talking about something, and I could remember her saying that when she was pregnant with me, she was going to "dash mi weh". I have lived with that for a long while now, so I said a lot of things to her. When I apologised, I told her the reasons why I said those things. But that is not the reason why I contacted you.

I just want your advice on how I could get back the relationship I used to have with my mother. She has it stored up in her heart that I never done anything for her and that I don't like her and that I rather others over her. I would love to hear what you have to say. Don't be harsh on me, please, I cry easily.

Stressed Teen

Dear Stressed Teen,

You have come to realise that you have been disrespectful to your mother. You regret the attitude that you have had towards her. However, the relationship can greatly improve if you are willing to change your attitude and respect her as mother. You are old enough to understand why in her anger she told you that while she was pregnant, she could have terminated the pregnancy. She should not have said that, but you shouldn't hold that against her. Instead, you should give thanks that she did not yield to such temptation.

Sometimes, parents say things to their children that they should not say. But children do the same to their parents. That is why each person should weight his/her words before he/she speaks. Words are not wind as some people say. Words are used to communicate thoughts. That's why the Bible says, "Soft words turneth away wrath." The wise man, Solomon says in Proverbs 25:11, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."

very depressed

Your mother evidently gets very depressed and says things that upset you as a teenager, and you overreact. Both of you should learn to understand each other. You must never go toe to toe with your mother. And what I am going to ask you to do is to take the initiative by going to your mother or calling her and express your regret about the way both of you live and ask for her forgiveness.

She believes that you do not do much for her and that you put others ahead of her. She could be right, she could be wrong. Just show her some love. Spend some time with her. You don't have to buy her big gifts. The time you spend together is more precious than silver and gold.

I wish both of you well and may God bless you.


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