Home - The Star
November 27, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor


Leave this man

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I see where you have helped many people and now am I am seeking your advice on my situation. I am a very ambitious, sweet, jovial young lady who is 25.

I met a man when I was in high school and we became friends. The relationship eventually became intimate. When I graduated from high school I was home for about four months, then I worked for about eight months to help my parents save some money for my college education.

Everything was going well in my relationship. My boyfriend made me feel like I was the only one that matters, and definitely I have fallen for the ride. We went everywhere together. One afternoon I went by his workplace and one of his friends asked me if I knew about his babymother. I was shocked because it was almost three years into the relationship and he did not mention anything about his child or the mother. I was so upset about the situation that I did not talk to him for days. When I finally confronted him about it, it was then that he decided to open up about the matter. I forgave him because I have grown to love him.

Days passed and he started to bring the child around me and we hang out together. Then, in December of the same year, he had arguments with his babymother and she took the child and emptied the grocery shop and went to live in a different parish. All this happened when he was at work. Up to this very day he does not know the whereabouts of his daughter, and he does not care because of what the child's mother had done to him.

About five months after, he told me that he misses his child and he wanted a child around because he misses his responsibilities. I told him that he won't be getting it from me because I am looking about college. My bubble just burst. He got me pregnant and when I was two months' pregnant, I had a miscarriage so I went on to college.

Luckily, I have not disappointed my parents. In the middle of my first semester, my boyfriend came to pick me up from school. Everything was going well that evening until I went into the supermarket to get some vegetables. Pastor, I almost fainted when I got the news that my boyfriend got a school girl pregnant and she is three months pregnant. My head started to open and close. When I went back to the car, I asked him about it and he lied all the way home. He then tried to explain himself, which only made matters worse. He reassured my mother and myself that I should not worry because everything will work out.

Pastor, he begged and he bawled and asked all that he could to talk to me so that I would forgive him. My mother told me to end it and focus on my work. About two months after, I forgave him. I was a fool because I ended up back in bed with him. I cursed myself every day.

the other girl

He is six years older than I am and I am three years older than the other girl. So he says he is just taking care of the child and he and the girl are not together. When I was partially completing final exams in my first year at college, I found out that I was pregnant. Words couldn't describe how I felt. I was stressed out, depressed and at the same time have to be studying.

Anyway, I stopped going to college for a year and carried my son. During my pregnancy he treated me well, but I expected more from him based on things he said before I became pregnant.

After my son reached 6 months, I headed back to finish college. When I graduated with my Bachelor's degree, I decided to go to Ocho Rios to look a job so I can help to take care of my child. I was working at a hotel but the rent was unbearable so I came back home.

My babyfather and I are still getting along and he told me that he is not involved with the other girl intimately. I love this man so much that I am sometimes blinded by reality. We have been together for 8 years and every time I made up my mind about leaving, he uses his charm on me. My son is two plus and his other son is three plus and he sometimes tends to show favouritism.

He recently opened a grocery shop again and two weeks straight she is in the business. I asked him why and he said that she is just helping out and he doesn't want his woman in any shop because man is going to come in there to me, and besides, I am working and I don't have any time.

Please advise me on what to do, because I truly love him but I am not happy and contented. My mind and instinct is saying leave, but my body is saying something different. Please help me.


Dear Depressed,

This man only sees you as his child's mother. If you had listened to your mother and taken her advice, this relationship would have come to an end long ago. He is with you and he is still having an intimate relationship with his other child's mother. You cannot be sure which one of you he would marry. He might not marry either one of you. You don't love yourself and you have to learn to love yourself first before loving another person. You have got a certain amount of education, but you don't have common sense. And that's what you need right now.


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