Home - The Star
November 28, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor


Hate my stepfather

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for your help. I am 17, and I am living with my mother and stepfather. I do not like my stepfather because he does not like my boyfriend. When I go to school, my boyfriend picks me up and we go wherever we want to go and do whatever we want to do. My mother knows that I am sexually active. I had my first sexual experience when I was 16. When my mother found out that I had a boyfriend, I didn't deny it, and I told her that we had sex. She told my stepfather, and he came to me with his rudeness and tried to correct me. I told him that I am a big girl and my body belongs to me and I can do whatever I want.

I told my mother that I am going to leave as soon as I am 18. She started to cry and told me that everything that she has is mine. I know she loves me, but I do not want to stay here because I hate her husband. Whenever I come from school and he is at home, I lock myself in my room until my mother comes home.

I don't hide anything from my mother. My mother got pregnant with me when she was 17 plus, and I was born when she was 18. She is a registered nurse and she has never had any more children. I asked her why she got married to this man, but she can't give me a good answer.

My mother has my name in her bank book. She doesn't have to stand up for me. I could stand up for myself. When he is at home and my mother cooks, I don't eat at the same table with him. He doesn't like me and I don't like him because he wants to bring a separation between my mother and myself. If my mother doesn't get rid of him, I am going to leave in about a year.

Please don't tell me that I am rude. I enjoy reading your column. Thank you for your advice.


Dear E.T.,

Your mother has her reasons for marrying this man. You don't like him, but she loves him. It is wrong for him to try to bring a division between you and your mother and yourself. And it is also wrong for you to try to cause a division between your mother and her husband. Perhaps your stepfather's approach to you was wrong when he was told that you are sexually active. However, he probably felt that as your stepfather, he had the right to try to give you some guidance. Evidently, you felt that he should not have tried to counsel you. You resented that. You saw it as interference. Your attitude was wrong.

Do not yield to the temptation of leaving your mother's home. She has done everything to make you happy. She has been a good mother. Don't do anything that would cause her to fret. Both of you have a very good relationship. But remember that she is married to your stepfather. And although you do not like him, he remains your mother's husband. Even if your boyfriend insists that you should leave and come and live with him, you should remain at home.

Do not put your boyfriend before your mother. You do not know what the future holds. And please remain in school.


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