Home - The Star
December 4, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor


I gave him everything and he cheats

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 and my boyfriend is 25. We have been together for nearly five years. From the first time my parents met him while they said he was cute, they weren't fond of him because they could tell by his house that he was poor and unemployed. He told them he was poor and that he performed odd jobs but he really loved me and one day he would be able to take care of me.

He mostly treats me well although at times he hits me over things that are insignificant. He does not want me to leave the house, not even to visit his granny, who is living next door. She gives us dinner and food to cook sometimes. I stay in just to make him happy, and his granny would visit me instead.

The more my family fusses about him being unemployed, uneducated, and I am the breadwinner, the closer both of us become. We both got tired of my family trying to break us apart because I am well loved by his family and they make me feel comfortable around them.

Before we got involved, he told me he had been single for a while and he was searching, with the help of God, for a nice girl - who he would love and who would love him - to settle down with. I then became his first real girlfriend and we motivated each other and I treated him like a good wife taking care of her husband. He made me feel special, too.


A year ago, based on numerous calls and text messages on his phone, I suspected he was not only cheating, but had many girlfriends. I confronted him and he told me his friend used his phone sometimes. I just felt he was lying, so I called the girls and spoke to them, and they told me he was pursuing them, or they had been friends for a little while. I told him what the girls said, along with what people in the community who saw certain movements with him and the girls said. He denied it.

I knew he was lying, but I love him dearly and wanted the relationship to work, so I shared my concerns about his above-mentioned behaviour and forgave him and continued to treat him like a husband. After realising he was still cheating and the girls were the ones benefiting financially, I stopped investing in a business I had built and left him in charge. I also stopped building a concrete house on abandoned sugar estate land near to his board house.

He is now verbally abusing me from time to time and if I respond, at times it turns into a fight. I told him that I was not happy nowadays and he said I should not have called the girls because I ridiculed myself and shamed him. He told me that he really loved me and he wanted a child with me very soon and that he had been more than patient.


After living like this for eight months, I told him I was not happy. I even suggested that we go for counselling, and he said he didn't need counselling.

He is ignoring me totally now, so I asked for my things from his house, but his mother, friends, and other family members are refusing to hand them over, even my clothes and shoes. He does not want me to come for them. He threatens me, and he also refuses to take them to me. I don't know what is going on with him; I am confused.

What should I do? Does he still want a relationship with me? Should I move on and get help from law personnel to retrieve my things? Please give me your advice.

Pastor, now I don't feel the love and connection we used to have. Everything for my amusement such as my iPod, delco, and my television are at his house. That is causing me to become depressed. I am home with my family living without my things. What is happening here?

Alone and Frustrated,

Dear Alone and Frustrated,

Your parents warned you about this relationship and you didn't listen. You thought that they were meddling in your business. This man has socked it to you. You are too simple.

I suggest that you ask the police to assist you in removing all your belongings, whether they are at his place, his grandparent's house, or the business place. Report his threats to the police. Don't take his threats lightly.


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