Home - The Star
December 10, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor


No one seems to want to help me

Dear Pastor,

Thank you for the wonderful work that you are doing by helping others who are desperately in need of advice. I am having a serious problem.

I grew up in the country and I was very poor. Sometimes, I could hardly go to school, so I didn't get a proper education. I hardly made it through all-age school. My relatives by my father's side said they would help me, but they were just taking advantage of me. They used me to clean their house and stay with their children when they wanted to go out. One of my cousins was in college and she promised me that when she was finished, she would help me to go back to school but she didn't keep her promise. After she finished school, she didn't care to help me.

I ended up in a relationship with a man who I wasn't happy with or love, but I did so just to get some help. He claimed that he loved me, only to find out that he was lying and cheating on me all along and using me to stay with his children. We were together for a long time and we got married, and he moved out and left me without anything.

I was talking to another man who lives overseas but there was nothing sexual between us. He was controlling, so I decided that it was not going to work. I ended the relationship because he wasn't doing anything much for me either.

Recently, I met another guy. He is great and I think he cares about me a lot. He is really trying because he is helping me with my bills, but I really need a job. I don't want what happened before to happen again - he ends up leaving and I can't do anything for myself, such as paying my bills.

Sometimes it really frustrates me because I really want to go back to school and do things for myself. I am so in need of a lot of things right now and I hate to be dependent.

He has a lot of responsibilities and I don't know how long he can help me. Sometimes, I can see that he is getting frustrated. Most nights I go to bed crying. I do have suicidal thoughts, but I just have to pray to God and have a little faith that things will work out for me. I have been struggling all my life. I don't know how much more I can take. For once in my life I just need someone to give me a chance. I am not a dunce. I am a fast learner. So, pastor, I need your advice and I am anxiously awaiting your respond.

Desperate Girl

Desperate Girl,

I deeply regret hearing that you were abused by your relatives while you were growing up. They used you as their housekeeper, babysitter, etc, and did not allow you to attend school. That was extremely wicked and insensitive. You deserved an education just as your relatives.

It is not difficult to understand why you became involved in an intimate relationship early with a man. Unfortunately, this relationship did not last. And since then, you have been moving from man to man in a desperate effort to get help and experience genuine love. Genuine love to you is elusive.

You haven't said whether you are divorced. If you are not divorced, then you should seek to be free by going to see a lawyer. The Legal Aid Clinic can be of significant help to you if you are not yet divorced. Contact them. Their numbers are listed.

Now, the man with whom you are having your present relationship is trying to help you, but is becoming frustrated, and you are aware of that. You need to do your very best in getting a job. Perhaps you should consider taking a live-in job. By doing this type of job, you would have a place to live and food. You will also be in a position to save. Some employers (although not many) allow their helpers to go to school in the evenings or to attend Saturday classes. You may find such a considerate employer.

Because of your past and even present situation, it is natural that from time to time you may feel depressed or even suicidal. It is good that you pray, but I would also encourage you to go to church and get to know the pastor and his wife and other leaders, and let them know your situation and ask for help. They would help you.

There are some churches that are very good in helping people. They are not going to call you forward in 'altar calls' and embarrass you. You can call the pastor at his office and ask to speak to him. After service, he may direct you to speak to an officer of the church. What is said to them would be kept in confidence. Regrettably, there are other churches that the only answer that they will give to you is to pray for you. But you need not only prayer, you need tangible help. If you feel that I can be of further help to you, please call my office. The numbers are 929 -1667-8.

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