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December 13, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor


Pregnant for another man

Dear Pastor,

Greetings and peace profound. I listen to your show every night and I always read the Weekend Star. You are one of a kind. I admire your work. You respect the rasta man and you defend the sisters. Some many say that you are taking up for the women, but I don't look at it that way, so keep up the good work.

I have a problem. I was living in America, but before I went there I had two children with a sister. She is not a rasta. I took care of the children while I was away. She wasn't working, so I took care of her too. Every woman I met in America who wanted to deal with me, I told them that I had my queen in Jamaica and my two girls. Some of them tried to stick on to me, but that didn't work. One of them set me up and got me into trouble. Then she promised to help me get out of the trouble, then backed away. So I had to come back to Jamaica.

Nobody expected me to return at that time. When I returned I found a man living in my house with my queen and children. The man was sleeping on my bed that I laboured to buy and enjoying everything that I have in the house. And another hurtful thing about the situation is that the woman who told me every day on the phone that she loves me was four months pregnant for the man.

I asked my girls about the man and they said that their mother always told them that I abandoned them and I am not coming back to Jamaica. My children did not eat pork and she gave them pork and dressed them up in shorts. It is only Jah that prevented me from not doing something bad to this woman. She couldn't show me a cent out of the money I sent to her. Her boyfriend drives an old car. That's what she took my money and bought for him.

Pastor, I told the man that the both of us couldn't stay there, so he left the very day. The girls started to cry when I told their mother that she had to leave too. She is here in the house, but I can't forgive her and I am sleeping on the floor because I can never sleep on the same bed that she had sex with another man. My folks told me that I shouldn't embarrass her because the man doesn't have anywhere to put her and I don't want to lose my children. Please give me your advice.


Dear A.O.,

You are an intelligent man. You exercised restraint. You could have got yourself into serious trouble when you realised that this woman deceived you. She didn't save anything from what you sent to her. She lied to the children about you. She is a wicked and foolish woman.

She should have known that what is in darkness will come to light. The relationship that she is having with this other man who impregnated her could not have remained in secret. The man came and lived with her and she was so comfortable with him that he got her pregnant.

The question is, what are you going to do now? Should she be forgiven for what she has done? If you were to forgive this woman, would you be able to look at the child and love him/her as your own? That might be a tough thing to do, but perhaps not impossible. I cannot tell you that you should continue this relationship. But at the same time, I don't want to encourage you to insist that she should leave in the present condition in which she finds herself. However, it is the responsibility of her man to find a place to put her. On the other hand, please bear in mind that this woman can make a claim on your property if both of you have had a relationship for many years. May I further suggest that you discuss this matter with an attorney-at-law.


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