Home - The Star
December 14, 2012
Star Tell Me Pastor


Stay with him, switch church

Dear Pastor,

My boyfriend and I are 25. We are Christians but attend different churches. According to my church rules, I am not supposed to marry him. However, I am going against the rules. If the elders find out what I am doing, they will discipline me.

My boyfriend and I met when I was attending university. I got to know him well. He used to help me when my money was late coming from my parents. He was my first serious boyfriend, the first man I had sex with and has remained the only man I have ever slept with. He is everything to me.

My parents know and like him, but the problem is that he is not leaving his church because he does not like mine. He said it has too many rules and our interpretation of the Bible is wrong. We do not have sex often, but I would love to get married and have a baby.

Sometimes when we meet, we say we wouldn't have sex and he wouldn't force me. Before the evening is finished, we would do it about two times. It is hard to see him go. I live in a gated community and my immediate neighbours know when he is there because they see his car, so he does not stay with me all night.

My boyfriend told me I must make up my mind because he would like us to get married in 2013. I other girls like him, but he is trying to be faithful to me. He is very handsome and smart. I don't want to lose him.

As a pastor, I am asking your advice.


Dear B.E.,

I suggest that you marry this man and change church. I do not usually encourage people to move their membership around from church to church. However, in this case, it is better for you to marry this man and change church. You respect your parents but you are an adult and can make your own decision. Your parents would have to accept the decision you have made.

I will tell you why. This man and you are not only friends. You have become lovers. You have been having sexual intercourse and find it difficult to stay away from each other. It is better, therefore, to get married than to burn with passion. Secondly, you would love to have a child. Who is better to have that child with than the man you genuinely love? If you fail to marry this man, you may suffer from depression for a long time.

I suggest you have a talk with your parents. Tell them how you feel and that you do not wish to offend them, but you have to make the decision to marry the man you love.

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