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January 2, 2013
Star Tell Me Pastor


I think her "cousin" is her bunna man

Dear Pastor,

Greetings, I am a regular reader of your column and I congratulate you for helping so many people over the years. Please keep up the good work.

I am a 35-year-old man and I am having a problem with my woman. We are living together. One day when I got up to make some coffee and to go to work, I noticed that she was not making any stir. I asked her if she was not going to work. She said she wasn't feeling well. So I suggested that she should take the day. I went to work. While I was working my mind was on her because she said she was not well. I tried to call her on her phone, but I didn't get her. So, about 1 p.m. I stopped working and went home.

When I got to my gate I saw a van parked. I went in and I saw a man sitting and my woman was cooking. She introduced the man to me as her cousin. I became suspicious right away. When she was finished cooking she called me for dinner, but I didn't go. I told her that I was not hungry. The man ate but I could see that he was not very comfortable.

After he left, my girlfriend and I had an argument over the matter. I wanted to know why this man who is supposed to be her cousin came to the house on a day that she should be at work. She started to make noise and she said that I was accusing her of cheating. Yes, I accused her of cheating because it looked funny. She was supposed to be sick and couldn't go to work and when I went home she was better and cooking for the man. She refused to tell me where this man lives. I have never seen him again.

But, Pastor, from that day until now I can't trust her. And I am blaming myself because when I met her and we became friends, she cheated with me on her boyfriend. So that means she can't keep one man. She got one week holiday and she did not tell me that she was on holiday. But every day, she left the house pretending that she was gone to work. And she came back her usual time. I only got to find out that she was on holiday while I was talking to one of her co- workers. But I did not ask her anything about it.

She is now pregnant. But I am not sure that the child she is carrying is mine. I told her when the baby is born we would have to do a DNA and she cursed me and for the first time used bad words to me. We are still together in the house but sleeping in separate rooms. I don't want this woman in my life anymore, so please tell me what to do.


Dear E.M.,

People often say, "What goes around comes around." And in this matter we can say that it is true. This woman was having an intimate relationship with another man and you got involved with her. She cheated on her man. You were the bunna and now you are on the receiving end. When some people are giving it, to them it is fun, but when they are on the receiving end, it is hard to take.

From what you have said, this woman who is now very much pregnant, should not be trusted. But you have not been very wise. And I say that because when you met her so-called cousin and you suspected that she was having an affair, you should not have continued to have unprotected sex with her. If you had stopped having unprotected sex, she would not have been saying that you impregnated her.

If she is sure that you are responsible for her pregnancy, she shouldn't have an argument. She should simply assure you that the child she is carrying is yours and agree to do the DNA when the child is born.

May I suggest that you continue to treat this woman well. And after she has given birth, whether or not the child is yours, that both of you have an amicable agreement to separate. And I say that because you will never be able to trust her again. She is not truthful. She is making a fool of you, even when she is not at work she pretends as if she is. You would be a fool to make this woman your wife.


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