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January 4, 2013
Star Tell Me Pastor


Dad is marrying my mother's good friend

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you and I am hoping that you will answer me this time. I am 22 and I am having a problem that is weighing me down. I am the only child for my parents. My parents are divorced. My father left my mother when I was 13, but he did not stop supporting me. I love my parents, but to be truthful, I love my father more.

I used to hear my parents arguing a lot over other women. Both of them are professionals and have very good jobs. I don't know what it is to be in need. When I was 18 years old my father bought me a new car and my mother has her own car. I am in a good job.

Although my mother and father are divorced, my mother has never had another man in her life, yet she is a very beautiful woman. She said that she will never trust another man. After my father left, she plunged herself into her work and she made herself happy.

not have sex

My mother accused my father of sleeping with some of her friends. And one day I asked my father if that was true and he said yes. He talks to me as if we are friends. He said that he did not have sex with my mother until two days after they were married. And when they had sex, she said she didn't like it. He treated her like a baby. And each time he wanted to have sex, he had to coax her. And when he got her pregnant, she didn't even want to have sex that night. That is why he had to go with other women and people used to see him and tell my mother. Many times he had to steal sex from her while she was sleeping.

If I should tell my mother these things she would be very upset, so I never told her some things my father said. I know my father still loves my mother because he is always asking me for her. And if he hears that she is sick, he calls her.

Pastor, the big problem I am having is that my father is planning to marry again. And the lady was a good friend of my mother. My father wants me to come to the wedding, but my mother does not want me to go. I want to please my mother but I don't want to disappoint my father because I want the best for him and I want a good woman to take care of him. He has settled down with this woman and she loves him and we get along very well.

Pastor, please give me your advice as soon as you can.


Dear T.L.,

I suggest that you attend your father's wedding. I do not see what valid reasons you can give to your father for not attending his wedding. He had affairs and finally he left your mother, but he took care of you. He has been a good father. Your mother is not without fault. She did not like to have sex, although your father tried so many times to tell her that she was not satisfying his sexual needs. She turned her mind against sex, and so your father felt that she was driving him away. I am sure that she did not mean to do so, but your father got tired of fighting and left. Some folks may say that he used that as an excuse. Whether so or not, your mother is not without fault. What both of them should have done was to seek the help of a psychologist or a sex therapist. But it is too late now.

I am glad that your father and you have a good relationship. You ought to be concerned about him. Continue to keep close to him. But, please do not neglect your mother. Show respect to your father's new wife. Suggest to your father that you would like to toast him at his wedding.


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