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January 11, 2013
Star Features


Clowns in some grand performance called life

Okay, I know Jamaicans like to believe that we are fashion conscious and that we are always apace with world fashion, but in reality this is not really true. What we think and what we are one poles apart.

I know I grew up eons ago, but back then, a teenager would never wear certain things. Back then, 'straights' were the rage. For those born in the last 15 years, 'straights' were pants that tapered at the ankles, sometimes between 12 and 14 inches around. These days, the pants I see some of the young men in are 12 to 14 inches at the thigh. They are so tight I wonder where their 'boy parts' get room to breathe. It is both annoying and amusing at the same time.

like elves

These boys wearing these tight pants annoy me because it just doesn't look manly. I don't know or care who designs these clothes, but when some of these boys dress up these days, they look like elves more than boys. All they need are the shoes with the pointed, curly tips and elf hats and they become instant candidates to work in Santa's workshop.

And that's what amuses me because for a country where so many of our youngsters have bought so heavily into the anti-gay message that the entertainers they glorify spout daily, they certainly dress up like little gay lads. I have to shake my head and laugh when I see them every day going through Half-Way Tree looking like clowns in some grand performance called life.

Add to that the bleaching that a lot of these boys are into these days and it makes you wonder if they're cast members in some weird science-fiction movie playing beings from another planet.

The girls are not so bad, even though they could learn valuable lessons about moderation and not show too much of their assets to the world. When I was growing up, I remember a girl I was interested in mentioned that she was advised that a woman ought to maintain a certain air of mystery about her. It is what keeps men interested even as she keeps them at arm's length. These days it seems as if these teens are putting all their wares on display for the highest bidder.

deepest darkest secrets

In many ways though, it's not really surprising because that is what they see around them every day. They are constantly being exposed to older women in their communities who go to the supermarket dressed as if they are selling their God-given assets on Ruthven Road in St Andrew. I can't count the number of times I am in MegaMart shopping and turn a corner into an aisle only to be shocked by some woman who is showing me her deepest darkest secrets that should be reserved for persons closest to her.

Here is a tip for some of these women. If you have cracked heels or toes that resemble cornfields in Kansas, try wearing closed shoes, not slippers. Some of us have weak stomachs and when we go shopping we really don't need to see those feet, or for that matter, cellulite-laden butt cheeks.

If the intention is to lure potential customers, sorry partners, there are many other places where that can be done. People take their children or mothers to the supermarket or out in the general public.

I say all this to say that sometimes it's not everything in fashion we need to pick up. There are times when we need to engage the use of mirrors. I believe every person should have one in their home and I recommend that they be used very liberally, especially before one leaves home for the streets.


'... many of our youngsters have bought so heavily into the anti-gay message that the entertainers they glorify spout daily, they certainly dress up like little gay lads.'

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