Dear Pastor,

I am writing you with tears in my eyes. I would like to know why 90 per cent of Jamaican men when they have decent, caring and loyal women they take them for granted, yet when they have women of opposite nature they treat them well.

I am 28 and have a 10-year-old child. I am the kind of woman any man would desire. I am pretty, sexy, intelligent, loyal, caring, etc. I normally prefer men who are at least 10 years my senior. I have been with this man for almost two years. He is 42. When I met him he was going through a divorce.

He faced immigration problems and a lot of stress came his way. Throughout it all, I stood by him and gave him the kind of treatment any sensible man would want. I never allowed him to leave the house without breakfast. I also cooked and brought lunch for him at work every day. I washed and ironed his clothes and ensured that the house was always clean. All this I did with a full time job but since I worked on shift, I had the flexibility. I did everything for him because I loved and cared for him and felt happy and comfortable with him.

ex-girlfriend

He lost his house and his job here (Cayman) and he went to Jamaica where he cheated with an ex-girlfriend and I found out. He apologised and I forgave him because I loved him. It has been a little over a year now since he has left but he went back to the USA where he had lived before coming to Cayman. I helped him while he was in the States.

We had our plans and I remained faithful to him from the time he left until now, which is over a year. It has been so hard, I fought it through. We communicated everyday. Pastor, listen and tell me if I am wrong to do what I did as I know that sometimes out of anger one can tend to overreact. This man lost his job again and, within a few days, made plans to go Jamaica without telling me and had the audacity to tell me that if I can help him buy the ticket he will come to see me in Cayman.

I was so angry that I told him he is wicked and evil and he cannot be trusted. Immediately I deleted him from my BBM contact list. I did this because I can't trust him anymore and I feel like I am being used. For months he had been telling me that as soon as he gets some time off, we will make arrangements for both of us to go to Jamaica together. Yet he went behind my back knowing we had not seen each other for over a year, and is so bright to tell me now that I should help him to buy a ticket to visit me. I felt hurt because the message I get from this is that I am not important to him.

What do you think about all this?

Sad, Teary Eyes

Dear Sad, Teary Eyes,

You are a good woman, and a very good one too. This Jamaican man has failed you. He has also insulted your intelligence. He is behaving as a very silly man. How can he be so disrespectful to you? You have treated him like a king. And even when he disappointed you by becoming intimate with his ex-girlfriend, you forgave him and took him back. But now he has failed you in every way. And unless he asks for forgiveness and purchase his own ticket to visit you in Cayman, he should be put in the dog house and remain there.

You have done the right thing. This man does not deserve to have you. He has taken you for granted. He is giving you the impression that he does not know how precious a woman you are. Don't beg him to come back to you. But if you ever have a change of heart, make sure that both of you go to see a family counsellor. And do not allow yourself to be used by him.

Pastor