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January 16, 2013
Star Tell Me Pastor


I want to live a righteous life

Dear Pastor,

I wish to seek your advice urgently. I am 22 years old and I am in my first year at university. I have been with my boyfriend for over two years. He is two years older than I. We have been having some problems since the beginning of last year. Our relationship has been on and off. He said that I am very disrespectful to him because I used indecent language when I was upset. We talked about it and we started to communicate again. I promised that I would not use indecent language to him again.

He accuses me of having a bad attitude. Sometimes when I tell him not to touch me and to leave me alone, it annoys him. He completely destroyed my birthday because he was upset with me for not cooking him dinner. The truth is that I had a stomach ache and I was not well enough to cook. When my birthday came around, he avoided me. He told me to go home. He said I was wicked. I begged him to forgive me for what I did, but he continued to ask me to go home because he did not want to physically hurt me on my birthday. My birthday was ruined.

very difficult

However, his birthday was also ruined because I was helping my mother at home and it was a very difficult week for her. I called him and invited him over, but he said that he was going to chill with his friends. He promised that he would come the following day. But when I called him the following day he said he was tired. I got very upset and I started to curse and he hung up the phone on me.

I just need time. I recently got converted and he thinks that I got baptised because I refused to have sex with him. I want to live a righteous life. It is a new year and a new me. This guy has been there for me. Anything I need he does it for me and he gives me lunch money for school and other stuff. But he is unforgiving and very jealous.

No man is perfect. But he told me that he doesn't need to be changed because I am the problem. I am now baptised and he has asked me to marry him. I told him I am not rushing into anything. I know that he is asking me to marry him because of his sexual needs. I don't want to marry a man who cannot control his sex drive. I love him because he is my first man and he has been there for me before I started attending university.

I thought about his proposal and called him and told him that we can get married. But he said that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore because he is tired of getting hurt and fighting with me.

Please give me your fatherly advice.


Dear R.,

This guy and you love each other. Both of you have childish ways, but they are not insurmountable. If both of you are willing to have counselling sessions with a family counsellor and to forgive each other and learn to respect each other, the relationship may work.

You recognise that you are hot tempered and your boyfriend is not willing to put up with your foolishness. Sometimes you behave as if you want to control him. You have been very disrespectful to him. However, he too has his faults. Both of you have to swallow your pride and admit to each other that you are in love and you want this relationship to work. Take the initiative, therefore, and call him and then both of you should decide which family counsellor you would see.

I am encouraging both of you to stick together because I believe that you are in love.


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