Home - The Star
January 24, 2013
Star Tell Me Pastor


Wedding conflict

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am engaged. My fiancÚ is 30 years old. We are planning to get married in August this year. He wants us to have a small wedding but I am the only child of my father. And my father said that we should have a big wedding and he would help us pay for it. You see, Pastor, my father is very proud of me. After my mother had me, she left me with my father when I was one year old and she never came back.

My father got my aunt to live with him and he paid her to take care of me. He is a good father. I don't know my mother and I don't care to know her because she abandoned me. My father said he tried to find her after she left, but he gave up when he heard that she became a Rastafarian and was living with a Rastafarian man. I love my father very much. He was very strict. I have only known him to have one other woman apart from my mother. But he did not get married. He is very proud of me, and that is why he said we should do a big wedding. He also likes my fiancÚ. He wants to show off on my wedding day.

When I met my fiancÚ and introduced him to my father, my father told him that he hopes that he will take care of me. He is the first man for me and his friends are telling him that he should try to get me pregnant first. Even his mother told him that, so he is telling me that we should get married in a small ceremony and not invite his side of the family. I don't agree with that.

His mother and I get along well, so I do not see why she wants me to get pregnant before her son and I get married.


Dear V.E.,

I am pleased to know that your father thinks highly of you, that he loves you and that you love him. However, I regret hearing that your mother abandoned you when you were one year old. Wherever she is, I hope she is happy and I hope the day will come when both of you would meet together and talk.

Your father is encouraging you to have a large wedding, and I can understand why. Some people may say that it is because he wants to show the world that he loves you and wants to give you away in style. Why should he be denied such privilege?

On the other hand, if your fiancÚ and you prefer to have a small ceremony, that is your prerogative. However, the reason your fiancÚ has given for preferring a small ceremony is not credible. He should not pay attention to the advice of his friends. And his mother ought to be ashamed of herself. No mother should tell a son that he should not get married until he has impregnated his fiancÚ or the one he loves.

To be frank with you, I think your fiancÚ is a momma's boy. I know that for sure because of what he has suggested that both of you should do. He does not want to displease his mother. But at the same time, he wants both of you to get married, so he believes that it is better for both of you to get married quietly without letting her know.

You should insist that he inform her and reject her suggestion. He is old enough to make his own decision. So whether both of you decide to have a large wedding or small wedding, that decision must be yours and not influenced by your father or your fiancÚ's mother.


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