Home - The Star
January 29, 2013
Star Tell Me Pastor


Unintelligent and insecure husband

Dear Pastor,

I have been a reader of your column for a long time. I remember reading it for the first time when I was eight. My mother used to go to the market and she would always bring home a Star. From that time, whenever she was going to the market, I used to ask her to remember to buy the Star before coming home. I remember my mother saying to me that it was not everything she wanted me to read. Sometimes when I read certain things, I didn't understand, but I never stopped reading the Star to this very day.

You were the guest speaker at my high school graduation and I was excited when I saw you. I still remember some of the things you said at my graduation.

I am a nurse and I am also a Christian. My husband and I are not together because he was very abusive, so we separated. He was always threatening me. He believed that I was having an affair with any man I talked to - doctors, my pastor, my church brothers, or my male cousins.

He has some dirty habits. He would search my clothes and even examine my panties and then question me about where I had gone and with whom. He used to search my car. One day, I saw him looking on the back seat of the car and I asked him what was wrong. He said that he was looking for evidence. Then, he said that women liked to have sex in their cars, so he was checking the car to see if I was doing that.

Whenever I had my day-off and I was at home, he called my number every hour. And if I turned the cellphone off, he would come home to check to see if I had someone there with me. I finally decided to leave him because of what he said one day while we were having sex. He said that he knew that I was having sex with other men because my vagina had become very large. I could not believe that he would insult me that way, and I cried myself to sleep.

I could not stay with him anymore. He has refused to apologise. He said that he told me so because he knew my body very well . Even now I am still angry with him. I told my mother what he said and she told me that I should not go back to him. We do not have children.

The problem I am having is with my church. My denomination does not believe in divorce. So, please give me your advice.


Dear S.R.,

Unfortunately, you have married an unintelligent and insecure man. By his behaviour, he has demonstrated that he is sick. Only a sick man would examine his wife's underwear and accuse her from time to time of having sex with other men. Too bad you consider him your husband. He is a low-down, good-for-nothing, dirty man.

Many times, women have told me that their men have searched them when they came home from work to determine whether had they had sex with other men. When a man does that, his wife shouldn't hesitate to move on.

You see, when there is no trust in a relationship, it cannot last. This man does not trust you, neither does he respect you. Therefore, I support your mother. Let him stay where he is and you go your way.

I am sure that your pastor and the church on a whole mean well, but they do not have to deal with what you are going through. What they should do is to pray for you, not condemn you.


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