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February 6, 2013
Star Tell Me Pastor


Afraid of penetration

Dear Pastor,

This is my first letter to you, but I am nervous even as I try to write to you. I am 45 years and I am the father of three children. Their mother and I were together for 20 years but I have one regret. We never got married. She was a good woman and we used to talk about getting married, but it never happened.

Two of my children are living with my relatives because they are girls and my son is with me. I have been going with a lady and I love her. She helped me to get over the loss of my children's mother. She is a good saver. She doesn't waste my money and she and my children, especially my son get along very well. Sometimes when I see them playing, I say to myself this woman really fits in well. She doesn't have any children.

The area of my problem is this, Pastor, when it comes to sex, all she wants is oral sex. She would do it any time, all night, all week. And whenever I try to penetrate her, it is like she 'locks up'. Sometimes I force my way through, but she complains that it is painful. But she would perform oral sex on me until I discharge. I don't mind that, but I like to penetrate a woman. I told her that I would take her for counselling, but she is not interested in going. She is 38 years old. I would like to marry her but this problem is standing in my way.


Dear N.T.,

I am glad that you have found a good woman. You are a very fortunate man. You lived with your children's mother and she proved to be a good woman. Unfortunately, you didn't marry her before she died. Now you have found another woman and she seems to be loving and caring. And she loves your children. That is a big plus for any man who has children. Some women resent their stepchildren. They don't even like to have them come around. So you have much to give thanks for.

Now, concerning the matter of engaging in sex with her, this woman likes oral sex more than any other type of sex. She is literally afraid of penetration (penis to vagina). That frustrates you because to you, oral sex is not real sex.

This woman has not opened up to you. She does not want you to know the true reason why she does not want to be penetrated. Perhaps there is something in her background that has caused her not to like sex. I could mention a few things but I don't think that I should put thoughts in your mind that might jeopardise the relationship.

Therefore, I suggest that you talk to this woman again and impress upon her the need for both of you to seek counselling, preferably a sex therapist or a psychologist.


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