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February 6, 2013
Star Tell Me Pastor


 

I need more money

Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old female who is confused, and I need your advice. I am in a relationship with a 31-year-old man. He is in a good job that pays him well. Before, his job was not permanent but now it is. He works in rural Jamaica and he did not have any financial obligations until last December when he bought himself a car. He pays his mom's mortgage, light bill, water bill, buys her grocery and gives her a weekly stipend.

This month, we will be together for two years. When we just started talking, I was in my third year at university. After six months in our relationship that was the first time he gave me money. I had to argue with him before he started to give me money. I even threatened to end the relationship and talk to someone else who was willing to help me financially. We always have problems and arguments about money because he always wants to give me a little less each week, or gives me whatever he feels like, which is usually less than what I asked for.

Because of this and other reasons, last July we broke up. In the early parts of December, we got back together. We even spent the Christmas holidays together in rural Jamaica. We had a lot of fun. It may seem that I am greedy or all I think about is money, but it is not so. As I said, I am 23 years old and I just completed university and is now unemployed. I now live with a family member because when I was in grade 10 my mother turned me out of her house. She is living with my stepfather. This was because my stepfather and I had several arguments. Since then, I lived with a family member. Fortunately, they have not asked for a contribution towards light or water as yet. I gained a scholarship for university after I finished high school, and that's how I went to university. My father was never around and we do not have a relationship at all.

Therefore, whoever I talk to is how I get money to do whatever I want, which includes all the possible expenses a female could ever need per month. In our relationship, I do whatever I can to make my man happy, as long as it will not affect me psychologically. When it comes on to sex, we do it whenever, and wherever he, or both of us feel like it. He does not have to ask twice when it comes on to sex.

Apart from our money problems, our relationship is good. I think I love him but I am not sure if he loves me because when you love someone you try to do what you can to help them. Since we started to talk again he gives me less than three-quarters of what he used to give me. This is to last me for two weeks because I only see him every two weeks. After I pay my bus fare with this money, there is not enough for me to use and pay my bus fare to go and see him the next time. I don't know if I should ask him for more money because he knows my struggle to get by.

I do babysitting, washing and cleaning and whatever I can to earn an extra dollar, which he knows. Sometimes my friends and family would make comments like, "how is it that you have a man who has a good job and you can't find food to eat or buy a slippers to wear?" This makes me feel stupid and foolish and like I am wasting my time with him.

I don't know if he is using me for sex and companionship. I feel as if I would be better off by myself, instead of being with him because he is not helping me at all, except giving me sex. I also think that if it continues like this then our relationship is going nowhere, but I would like it to work out.

Please tell me what you think is best for me.

Confused, St. Thomas

Dear Confused,

Try your very best to get yourself a job. You have been fortunate to graduate from university. But as you know, it may take a while before you get a job. I congratulate you because you are willing to do just about anything legal to earn money. So, keep on knocking here and there for a job and you will get one.

Concerning your boyfriend, it appears to me that he is doing his best to assist you financially. He has obligations that he must meet. You think that he is not giving you enough. Reason with him and show him what you are doing with the money. If you are able to prove that you are not wasting the money, he may give you more.

Pastor

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