Home - The Star
February 11, 2013
Star Tell Me Pastor


My husband loves women

Dear Pastor,

I am having a serious problem. I am married for 13 years and I have four children, one was born before I was married. My husband is working and I am working. I have one problem with my husband and it has been this way for a long time. He loves women. I can't trust him with any woman at all and he does not admit that he is having affairs. Right now three different women claim that they have children for him. When I questioned him about it, he said that these women are lying on him. His brothers support the children to protect him. They told me that they are the fathers of these children, but I know better.

My husband was going to Cayman on business and when I dropped him at the airport, I saw one of his girlfriends in the line. I became suspicious and asked him if he knew that she was travelling too and he said no. But, pastor, that was more than a coincidence. They went on the same flight and came back on the same flight. I told my husband that one of these days when he goes to bed, he is going to wake up without his penis because I am going to cut it off. He told me that he is going to stop sleeping with me because I am threatening him with violence.

People wouldn't believe how wild my husband is. He is a good family man. I cannot get him to go to church with me. But he reads his Bible and whenever I invite him to go to church with us, he says that he is a better Christian than my church folks. My husband doesn't drink or gamble but he likes women.

I want to know what I can do to prevent my husband from having affairs. He said what I don't see shouldn't hurt me, but I am hurting inside.


Dear A.J.,

I don't know of any magic pill that you can give to your husband to stop him from having affairs. You know that he is a good family man and that he treats you well. His weakness is with women. He is not satisfied with just having you. You wish it were not so, but that's how it is. Therefore, while you might pray for him and hope that he would change, you should make sure that you protect yourself by insisting that when having sex with you, he uses the condom.

Perhaps he may object and say that there isn't any reason for him to use the condom. But, tell him that you are not prepared to take the risk because you know that he is having sex with another woman.

I know that some people would say that you should leave your husband. But I am not encouraging you to do so. I would rather suggest that both of you go to see a family counsellor for sessions. Perhaps the family counsellor would be able to convince him to stop. He might even be willing to tell the counsellor what are his weaknesses and why he finds it difficult to stick with you alone. On the other hand, he may deny that he has other women. Be prepared for anything.


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