Home - The Star
February 19, 2013
Star Tell Me Pastor


Living with constant abuse

Dear Pastor,

I have been in a relationship with a policeman for some years now, but he works in rural Jamaica. We have children together. I am not working. He doesn't take me out, but he goes out with his friends and co-workers. Whenever I talk to him about how I feel, he says all I do is make noise. I cannot express myself without him fighting me and threatening to throw me out of the house. I have no one to talk to. This man cheated on me and I caught a sexually transmitted disease.

He has not helped me in any way all these years I have been with him. Whenever he is home, his phone is off. He goes to work all day and I don't hear from him, but he would spend hours on the phone talking to other women. And if I ask him if he couldn't call home, he says he was too busy and he didn't have any credit. He curses me, fights me in front of the children, calls me all kinds of names, and throws water in my face. I am so unhappy with this man.

Abused Spouse

Dear Abused Spouse,

Evidently, you do not want to get your man into trouble. You care about him, and as a man who represents the law, so to speak, you wouldn't want to see him arrested by his colleagues. That's part of the reason why you haven't reported him.

It is said that police try to shield police. However, there are police officers who are honourable and carry out their work without fear or favour. Many of them are engaged in counselling their colleagues. You could have sought help from the police chaplain. If you had made a complaint to that department, this man and you could have received professional help.

I am sure that he knows that he does not have a right to beat you, even if he feels frustrated. I know that some women use expletives to their men and even challenge them to a fight. However, a wise man should walk away and not go toe to toe (so to speak) with his woman.

You mentioned that you are not working. What are you qualified to do? I would urge you to seek a job or to go back to school. This policeman is not earning enough to support two children and you. It is tough for one salary to support so many persons.

You seem not to be interested in continuing this relationship. If you are not, I would suggest that you go to see a lawyer, who would advise you of your rights.


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