Home - The Star
February 25, 2013
Star Tell Me Pastor


Stop wasting your time

Dear Pastor,

I have always read your column but this is my second time writing to you. I have been dating this man for the past three years. We love each other very much. He tells me how much he loves me all the time. We have our little arguments and we work things out and moved on. I cheated on him once and he found out. It hurt him very much but he forgave me and we continued our relationship.

I went to his house after he found out that I cheated but I was there for five months. He has a big house which consists of his two sons, sister, sister's husband and daughter, a brother and his children and his woman. His sons loved me very much as I take care of them.

But, pastor, his sons' mother normally comes there on weekends. I did not like it. He told me that she is just there because of the children and the fact that he did not grow with a father, he does not want his sons to grow without their mother. I accepted that and there are times when both of us are there. He sleeps with me, but when she is there, she sleeps in the children's room.

My man and I used to argue a lot as he could not get over the cheating that I did. He then decided that we should separate in order to work out the situation. Although I did not think it was possible and we had to separate, I did it anyway. I went back home in December of last year. The very day I left is the very same day that his babymother came there, and as far as I know, she is there until now. It hurts me to know that he is sleeping with her. He told me that when she sleeps in his room, they don't touch each other.

How do I know this? I went to the house one day to get a few of my clothes that was left there, and to my surprise, she had packed up all my shoes in a big garbage bag and put them in the storeroom and took all my clothes from under the closet and basket and put them in a bath pan under the bed. He said he did not know about it. He knew that she cleaned the room for him but he was not aware that she had moved my things.

He called her and asked her about it and told me to take what I want and leave the rest because he is going to put them back. I was hurt and upset and I started to cry and took all my clothes.

Pastor, he is a calm person. He does not hold grudges and he does not follow up argument. I want to believe him that he is not involved with her but it is hard. She is HIV-positive also. He told me that things will be better. I have left the house and we have argued most times over her. He is not giving me anything.

Last night I went to the house with him. I had wanted to use the bathroom and when I went in the room she was there spreading the bed. I passed and went in the bathroom and then she started to argue with him, asking him if I don't have a yard. He did not answer her and I told him I don't want to use his bathroom anymore. She argued and carried on about my being there.

Pastor, it hurts me to my bone. She said that there are many fish for me to catch and that I am young. She said I am making myself miserable. He took me away and I cried all the way. All this time he did not say a word to me.

He also doesn't seem to care. How can your babymother make your woman uncomfortable and you do nothing about it? He doesn't meet my concerns. I love him and I would like to spend the rest of my life with him, but with all this pain I am feeling inside, I feel like doing something crazy.

Please give me your opinion. I don't know what to do.

A.S., St Catherine

Dear A.S.,

Stop wasting your time with this man. Don't go back to his place. He has made a fool of you too long and he continues to do so. If the woman with whom he is living is HIV-positive and he is sleeping with her and he also went to bed with you, you need to go and get yourself tested. You need not cry over this man. He is not a good catch.


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