Boyfriend insisting that I live with him

March 02, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and I am living with my grandparents. I have a boyfriend who is 21 and he is encouraging me to leave home and come and live with him.

He said if I didn't, I was going to lose him because there is another girl who loves him and wants him, but she is older than he is. She also has two children. I don't want to lose my boyfriend because, when I was 16, he took my virginity. Whenever I asked him for money he gave me freely. Sometimes he would give me more than lunch money and I am able to buy food because my people are poor.

This other girl goes to his house all the time and sometimes she stays there for days. He told me the only way for that to stop is if I live with him. Then he will tell her not to come back. Pastor, I feel am too young to go and live with a man. He said he is also tired of using the condom when we have sex. He wants to get me pregnant and I don't want to. I asked him if he used the condom with the other girl and he said no. I told him that meant I should not be having sex with him because I didn't want to get any disease. He said that would not happen.

My older sister is living in Canada and she wants me to come there and live and go to school. I would like that to happen but I can't tell my boyfriend. He wouldn't agree.

When I was a child I used to dress up as a policewoman. I used to want to be a police officer but now I would like to be a pilot. I have three subjects. My boyfriend would want to help me to go back to school but he wants me to come and live with him first and, if I get pregnant for him, I wouldn't want to leave him. That is how he feels, so I am asking you to please give me your advice.


Dear R.A.,

If this young man wants to assist you in getting more subjects, he should do so without any strings attached. He should do it out of the heart of love.

Your boyfriend seems to be very kind and helpful. He gives you money and you use some of the money to buy food for your grandparents and yourself, but he ought not to be pressuring you to leave them and live with him. It is a totally different situation to have a boyfriend who helps you while you are in your parents' home than to be living with a man.

The responsibilities of living with a man can be very demanding and stressful, because he may expect you to do just about everything for him such as washing, cooking and cleaning. Then he is always going to want to have sex any time he pleases.

As a young girl, I really cannot encourage you to go and live with this man. He tells you that he would help you to go back to school but, at the same time, he wants to get you pregnant.

You see, he wants a 'yute' and the other woman he has already has two children, and although he is not using the condom with her, she might be taking contraceptives and is not willing to get pregnant by him. So, young lady, make it clear to this man that, although you love him, you are not willing to leave your grandparents' house and go live with him.

You have a sister who is living in Canada and, if she can assist you in going there, you should encourage her to do so. Right now, your future looks brighter in Canada with your sister than in Jamaica with this man. If you insist that you must have sex with this man, please don't have unprotected sex. If he refuses to use the condom, don't have sex with him.


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