Husband called me a John Crow

April 08, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I just need some advice because I don't know what to do anymore. The only thing left for me to do is to pack my bags and leave.

Not having anywhere to go is beating me bad, and I don't want to go back to my mother's house. I have been married for nearly three years. There have been some good days, but my husband and I have been living a 'puss and dog' life. I have two children. My daughter is for my husband and she is his only child. I am 23 years old and my husband is 40. I lost my son's father when he was five months old and that man was so loving, gentle and kind and very respectful to women.

My husband and I are Christians. I have been in the church for two years and my husband has been there for 10 years. One day we were having an argument and throughout that argument I tried not to disrespect him. Then suddenly, he called me a John Crow! That hurts me to the veins and it still hurts whenever I remember what my husband said. He always tells me to take my nastiness and come out of his yard and go back to the bush where I came from.

He has a brother living next door and every day his brother is having arguments with me, and his brother is threatening me and my son. One day I was cleaning the yard so I decided to be the better one and I cleaned his brother's part because it was looking awful. But cleaning up was something he told me not to do and when his brother came home, he raked up the trash and threw it on my steps. I called my husband's attention and showed it to him and my husband said he should have thrown it in my mouth and face. Please Pastor, tell me what to do. I know the marriage is over, but I am attending school at the moment and I am going to be finished in July and would be able to take care of myself and my child. My husband is so disrespectful to me but no matter what he says to me, I have never been disrespectful to him. When he tells me words that hurt me I return the favour.


Dear S.J.,

This man is grossly disrespectful. If he had not loved you in the past why did he marry you? What has caused the breakdown in this marriage? It could not be his age. Perhaps you have always been comparing him to your first child's father. Both of you have been attending the same church so you probably should have sought the help of your pastor, and I am suggesting now that that is what you need to do. No man should call his woman a John Crow. He says unpleasant things to you but you have done the same and you have admitted it. Both of you need to see a counsellor and you can begin with your own pastor. Please do so and try to save your marriage. I will be praying for you.


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