My husband slept with his stepdaughter

April 12, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am a 37-year-old Christian woman. I have been married for four years but my husband and I have been together for eight years.

He is not a Christian but he is not a bad person. We are coming from nothing but we worked together and took care of each other. I have three children for the same man before I met my husband, and I have a daughter by my husband who is five. I found out recently that my husband was having sex with my eldest daughter who was living with us. She is 21 and has a son. Pastor, I have taken care of my family in every way I know how. I was so mad that I told my daughter to leave and I put my husband out. He cried like a baby and threatened to kill himself if I left him. He said he did not have sex with her, he only asked her to send pictures of her private area.

My daughter and I had a good relationship, so a week after I told her to leave I called her. She admitted that they had sex. She cried and said that she was very sorry but she did not tell me because she didn't want to destroy our marriage, and that he forced himself on to her. We went to my bishop who advised me to give him a second chance and allow him to come back in the house because he did not have anywhere to go and he was very remorseful. I am trying to forgive him and go on with our marriage but it is hard. I have lost weight. Sometimes I don't eat, I can't sleep and I just lock myself in a box. When I think about him having sex with my daughter it does something bad to me. I think I want to leave my husband but each time I talk about leaving him he threatens to kill himself. I don't think I can continue with this marriage. Please help me, Pastor. I am desperately awaiting your response.


Dear Broken,

Let me begin by asking some questions. How old was your daughter when your husband approached her for sex? I am sorry you did not state when this relationship started and for how long it continued. It seems to me that if you and your daughter had such good relationship, she should have told you that her stepfather had approached her for sex. She is telling you now that he forced himself on to her. It seems to me that she was old enough to resist him, and even if he had threatened her, she should have told you. I do not believe your daughter is speaking the whole truth. Your husband is shameless and he is only crying now that he has been caught. He is a wicked beast and your daughter should not be seen as blameless. This man has not even admitted that he had sex with your daughter. But what he did say showed that he is depraved. Why would he ask your daughter to send pictures of her private area? What was he going to do with these pictures? Did your daughter state whether she complied?

I think your bishop meant well when he told you that you should take him back because he had nowhere to go. If he does not, he should consider building a shed under a tree or renting a place on his own. Your bishop meant well but you must decide whether you want this man back in your life or in your house. You know this relationship can never be the same. He has destroyed you physiologically, emotionally and even physically. He is crying because he wants a comfortable place to sleep, eat and drink. He is not crying because he loves you. He threatens to kill himself whenever you say you are going to leave him. That's what these wicked men tell women when they are caught in gross immorality. As for your daughter, no man, not even her child's father, should ever trust her. I promise sincerely that I will pray for you and that the Lord will help you to make the right decision. Whether you should take this man back or not is between yourself and almighty God, and I ask all readers who are Christians to pray for you.


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