He wants me to get pregnant before marriage

April 13, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 years old and you may wonder how a 30-year-old cannot make a decision on the matter I am about to relate to you. I went to high school with the fellow.

We were friends until we graduated. He went to live in the United States of America and I stayed in Jamaica. The long-distance affected our relationship and I got in with other men and him with other women. Both of us have children. He has two with two different women and I have two with two different men. But the love we have for each other has remained and whenever he wants to do something in Jamaica, he calls me and I take care of it for him. In the past few months, he has told me that he wants to settle down and I told him he should consider marrying one of his babymothers but he says no, he would prefer to marry me. I do not ask this man for money all the time but occasionally I do and I have not found him to be mean. My car needed to be repaired and he took care of it for me. He is even encouraging me to get a new car and I told him I am not as interested in a new car as I am interested in buying a new house.

Here is my problem now, Pastor. I am 30 and I already have two children. This man is begging me to get pregnant for him and then we would get married after. I told my mother what he said and she said that he didn't seriously want to marry me. The last time he came to Jamaica, we went on the north coast and when I took him to the airport, he nearly cried and sometimes, if I allow this man, he stays on the phone with me all night. Pastor, I want your fatherly advice.


Dear M.P.,

Please remind yourself that becoming pregnant for a man does not mean the man is going to stay with you. You should find out from this man why he wants to get you pregnant before he marries you. You mother might be right. At this age, he wants to get you pregnant before you get married. You already have two children out of wedlock and if you were to have more now, all three would be out of wedlock. Right now, he is treating you very well, but will that continue? Tell him you are willing to get married and have a child after marriage but not before.


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