Cheated on my boyfriend in a one-night stand

May 05, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and my boyfriend is 23. I think I am in love with him, but he does not believe that I love him. He keeps talking about my background. He said that I am a privileged person because my parents have good jobs and they are considered middle-class. My parents have four of us and we all attended traditional high schools. We were sent to special classes, and every summer we went abroad to spend time with relatives. I told my boyfriend that it does not matter to me where he went to school, the important thing is that we love each other. When I invited him to our house, he was so nervous I thought he would die. My father did not say much to him, but my mother questioned him a lot. He wants to be a mechanical engineer. My father told him that that would be good. He joked and told him that he must study hard because he would want to know that his car is kept in tiptop shape. I am at university and I met a guy there who loves me. He was visiting a friend of mine, who introduced us. I went out with him and had a few drinks, and he took me to his place and we had sex. I feel so guilty because my boyfriend and I have never had sex. I cannot say that the guy who had sex with me raped me or that he wilfully got me drunk. I was conscious but couldn't control myself. After we had sex I slept for hours. I don't know whether I should tell my boyfriend. This was a one-night stand and we did not use protection, but I did not get pregnant. It was not the first time I was having sex. This guy says that we should go out again, but I told him I was not interested. Pastor, I consider myself an intelligent girl. Why I had so much to drink, I cannot tell. I just felt nice, and I have let myself down.

This guy is much older than I am and he drives a nice car. I have never asked him for anything. I am sure he has his woman, although he told me he doesn't have any. But if you see him, you would wonder why a man like that doesn't have a woman. When I went to his house, I saw nothing belonging to a woman. I have not told my friend what happened on the date. I am ashamed to tell anybody. I didn't believe that I could meet a man and have sex with him on a first date, but now I know it can happen. Whenever he calls me, I am very cordial to him and he is always asking me whether I need anything. I don't need anything from him, I just want to be faithful to my boyfriend.

G.E.

Dear G.E.,

I would hate to think that this guy drugged you, but, on the other hand, anything is possible. When you met him, you believed that he was a wonderful fellow and that you could have a nice time with him without getting into trouble. But you only trusted him because he was introduced by your friend. If she didn't see him as a good guy she wouldn't have introduced him to you. I feel that you were thinking along that line, so you felt it was safe to go with him. This sexual encounter is bothering you. You have to put it behind you. You have made a bad mistake. This guy should have told you not to drink too much, and even if you had one or two drinks, he should have stopped you. But he didn't. Although you said he did not rape you, the truth is, he took advantage of you. I will not encourage you to tell your boyfriend what happened. I encourage you to be very careful of what you do and who you go out with. I suggest that you cut all communication with this man so you can focus of your relationship and your schoolwork.

Pastor

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