My boyfriend is insecure

June 11, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am at a crossroads with this man I am with. He is twice my age. He lives abroad and because of the COVID-19 pandemic, we haven't seen each other for a year.

We talk everyday and we love each other and he treats me well, but he is too jealous and insecure. I cannot take it. He accuses me of cheating and I have never cheated on him because I have no reason to do so. At times, it seems as if he has someone watching me because some of the things he says, I don't know how he knows them. He wants every detail that is going on, even if it is with the neighbours or a family member, and if something happens and I don't tell him and he hears about it from someone else, he says I am hiding things from him. He encourages me, especially when I am having issues with my relatives. But the thing that puzzles me the most is when he tells me that a blessing is coming my way and I will fulfil my dreams/career only if I behave myself (don't cheat). He says it as if I won't be able to accomplish anything if I am not with him. Am I overthinking this Pastor? Give me your advice.


Dear Anonymous,

You did not say your age but I am assuring you that I have been receiving many, many letters from women who are having relationships with men who are much older than them.

You are having the same issues with this man who you describe as being twice your age. He seems to be a senior citizen and one of the issues that women in your age group have with these men is jealousy. I don't mean to imply that younger men are not jealous too, but much older men are always thinking that the younger women would cheat on them and I believe that does not have to happen. The late entertainer Stanley Beckford has a famous song in which he said, "soldering a weh the young gal want" and some of these older men do not believe they have the stamina to keep up.

I believe that there are genuine women like you who are true and faithful to their 'older men'. I believe when you say that you haven't cheated on this man, so you are disgusted by what he tells you and he needs to be quiet. He is a noisy man. It is time for him to learn that a woman doesn't have to tell a man everything. You have a real challenge on your hands if you plan to marry him. You are going to have to be like TVJ or CVM news. It is good to know that he encourages you to seek a career, but you are overthinking about what he said about getting a career. He is saying he is going to give you a bigger push to get your career going if you are being a good girl, so you don't have to worry. I wish you and this man well.


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