My wife is giving me bun in America

June 29, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am in my 50s. I got married and I have two children, a girl and a boy. My wife is a nurse. She went away to better her life.

The understanding was that she would come back every six months but the first six months extended to a year. Last year, she did not come to Jamaica at all and I did not fuss over that because of the virus. But relatives have been telling me that my wife has a man in New York. She said I should not believe everything I hear, but my brother-in-law said that he heard that too. But he said I should not make that break up the marriage. He thinks I should find a woman in Jamaica because if she has a man up there, I can't expect her to not do anything with him. Our children are living with me and I respect them and I have never taken any woman to this house. My daughter has never slept with her boyfriend in this house and I know that she has a boyfriend. When I heard what my brother-in-law said, I asked my daughter if her mother said anything about having a man in America and she said no, but she would ask her. I told her she should not ask her mother and I left it there. When I got married, it was to death do us part, but if my wife has another man, I would not want her again. I don't have any woman and it is not that I can't get one, I am trying to be faithful to my wife. Sometimes I cannot sleep when I think of her having another man. I trusted this woman. What we were earning before she left was enough to pay our bills. Now America is mashing up our lives. My daughter told me that she could see that something was bothering me but I should try to not allow what her mother is doing to affect me so much that I get ill. I write you for your advice.

T.

Dear T,

Your wife told you that you should not believe everything you hear but she has not said anything to put your mind at ease. Her brother told you that he was aware that she was seeing a man in America. He did not tell you that because he wanted to destroy the relationship; he told you his reason for telling you. He believes that you should find someone to take care of your biological needs just as his sister has a man doing that for her. You wife might not admit to your daughter that she has a man but it will be good for you to know what is really going on. You can't stop her from having a relationship in America, but becoming aware of what she is doing may put your mind at ease. I think that you should discuss what you heard with your children. By doing so, they would be in a position to speak to her and to let her know that you are hurting and if indeed she has a man in America, she should let you know, and tell you if she is not returning to Jamaica. As you know, not all relationships work, and although you did not intend to get a divorce, circumstances have changed. So you might be forced to do so. Perhaps if your wife would tell you the truth you might be willing to forgive her, although right now you are not prepared to forgive her. You daughter has encouraged you to not allow what her mother is doing to cause you to become ill. Therefore, I must ask you to make sure that you take her advice.

Pastor

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