Mother wants me to sell myself

August 10, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 16 and I have a complaint to make. I am the first daughter for my mother. My mother has two boys and two girls, and I am her third child. My mother is a loose woman.

She was always going from man to man, and when she was younger she did not protect herself; that is why she ended up with four children. My mother has never settled down with a man. Every man she brings home she tells us to call him uncle. She has the reputation of taking men away from their wives, including her friends' husbands.

A few months ago, the landlord gave my mother notice to leave. He said he wanted his place because his daughter was getting married and she and her husband wanted the place to live.

It is a three-bedroom place. My sister and I occupy one room, my brothers have one room, and my mother has a room that she uses as a brothel. I wanted some money to pay for a course and I asked my mother, because I do not know my father. My mother looked at me and said, "You are 16 years old, you have to learn to help yourself." Pastor, I am helping myself because I work in a grocery store and get my pocket money. My mother always tells me that I should remember to give my sister some of what I have because she has to buy her sanitary things. My mother doesn't buy anything for her.

Recently, I met a man and he says he likes me. I told him I wasn't ready for a boyfriend. He said he knows that I am ready because of the way I walk. I went home and told my mother, because I was laughing. I thought the man was crazy. On Sunday after dinner, I asked my mother if she would give me some of the money to buy what I really need. She told me that she didn't have any money and that it was time for me to learn to open my legs. I was so shocked. I never thought that my mother would use those words to me. I asked her what if I open my legs and get pregnant, and she said I would be on my own. I am so scared now. My mother wants me to befriend the man and to get money from him. I am only 16. My sister is 14. It looks like my mother is going crazy. She cannot find another place. We have a very good landlord, but he wants us out, and the last man that my mother was with says that he would come and live with us. But my mother says she doesn't want him to come because she would have to do too much, such as washing all his dirty clothes and cooking every day for him. I would like to be a lawyer, so I am working very hard. The young man who likes me is 24. What should I do about him?


Dear G.F.,

Your mother has not set any good example for you and your sister. Her morals are very low, and she should know that you will never forget what she told you to do with your legs.

You have seen the way your mother lives, and I am sure you say to yourself that you do not want to live that way. I want to suggest that you work very hard on your lessons. You would like to be an attorney, which is a goal you can achieve. You really do not need any intimate boyfriend at the moment. This man wants to get under your skirt. He is not a good male friend to have, so you should be very careful not to get very close to him.

You have not said anything about relatives. I am wondering whether there is an aunt who has a room that could accommodate you. That might be a good move to make, but your sister should not remain with your mother, either. Your mother would not agree with you and your sister leaving her. I am just raising this matter and wondering if there is a way out. There is no question in my mind that you cannot be happy not living with your mother; just be very careful not to do anything to cause her to turn against you.


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