Think my friend stole my sex book

May 05, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 and I am engaged to a man who is 31. I fell in love with him two years ago. I was excited to get to know him because he is very serious about life.

The other guys I dated did not have concrete plans about life. One of them said he wanted to have 10 children, and the other one said he wanted six. I will be satisfied to have two.

This guy and I got engaged two weeks ago and he is now laying down his rules. I cannot see how I am going to keep them. I want to marry this guy because he has started to go to church with me. All the other guys I was friendly with were not interested in that. They say that all the pastors need is their money, and they will take my money and buy big cars.

On the night we got engaged, he said he had an engagement gift for me. When I opened the package, it was a book that largely dealt with sex and showed the type of positions that a couple should engage in. I threw it back at him and told him that I am not going to engage in that sort of filth. The man told me that I am stupid. I left the book on my night table and now the book cannot be found. This is causing a big problem between us. I had promised to burn the book, but I knew that wouldn't be right.

A friend of mine had visited me and I showed her the book. I asked her if she took it and she said no, but I don't believe her. Somebody took the book, and I believe she did, but I can't prove it.

My boyfriend is creating rumpus over this book. I asked the girl if she took it to show her boyfriend and she said no. She is the type who will do everything, and more than what is in this book. We are to start counselling very soon because our wedding is in August. How am I going to tell our pastor that we are breaking up over this stupid book? My fiance just wants to have his own way. Please give me your advice. I need to know what to do.


Dear O.S.,

I hope that you don't take this thing lightly. This can cause a break-up between your fiance and yourself. You can see him as a man who is acting as if he is crazy.

You can wonder why he did not buy you a better engagement gift, instead of giving you a book on sexology. He is trying to tell you how important sex will be to him in the relationship. So he expects both of you to learn from this book. Nothing is wrong with reading what other people have written, especially sexologists. But you may not wish to apply everything you read to your love life.

There are some things that a therapist who is not a Christian may suggest, but as Christians, you would not want to engage in them. I prefer not to mention what these are. So the questions are: How come this particular book disappeared? You put it on your night table; who removed it? Your girlfriend said she didn't. But you questioned whether she is speaking the truth. You had threatened to burn the book, and your fiance believed that you might have done so. But would you be that crazy? When your girlfriend saw the book, what was her reaction? You need to speak to her again and ask her to return the book before it is too late. Ask your fiance where he purchased the book and how much it cost, and your friend can be directed to where it is sold.

Before I go, let me tell you this. There are many things that are important to a man in a relationship; sex and money are atop the list. To some men, sex is even more important than money. So do not ignore any type of sexual conversation with your fiance. Your girlfriend probably just borrowed the book. She should not have taken it away without your permission. I am sure she would have admitted to you that she did not know it would cause so much contention between your fiance and yourself. So please, have her return the book.


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