I have the worst luck with men

June 01, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I'm a regular reader of your column. I am writing this letter to you for advice. I am 22 years old and a mother to a 21-month-old baby boy.

I was living with his dad but we broke up and I went to live with my mother in the country, but it did not work. I was unemployed and my stepfather asked her to put me out and let me go back to my child's father, and she did. My stepfather went abroad, but came back to Jamaica broke and I had to be giving my mother money every two weeks. When my stepfather was going back, he did not have all the cash he needed to pay for his ticket. He wasted his money on smoking and I had to pay all the bills. He never supported me in anything and whenever I talk to him about his behaviour, he argues and fights me.

I am currently living with this new guy who I met at my workplace. He is 24 years old and he does not have children. I love this man but we always argue one day out of every week for just minor things. He searches my phone all the time. He even saved his name as my babyfather's name and texts me as if it was my child's father. I thought it was my babyfather not knowing it was him who was texting. I was so shocked when I found out that it was him because he asked a question and then I answered, and the answer made him reveal that it was him who was texting. He texted saying he was wondering if we could get back together and I replied 'Never' and asked why I would want him back. He always talks with other girls to make me jealous and if I do talk to a male he's upset and ready to put me out immediately.

I loaned him my phone because he did not have any for himself because he broke his. He was texting a lot of females and I found out and asked him about it. He told me that I should leave him alone. He told me the relationship between us is over and I should pack my bag and go and he's not going to support me and I shouldn't ask him for money because he will not be giving me any.

I downloaded an app and met another guy on it. I gave him my number and I started texting him on WhatsApp. He seems to be a good young man but I don't know if he's pretending. Do you think I should develop a relationship with this man or I should just stay where I am? My child is well taken care of. I make sure he has everything and he's happy and well.


Dear S.B.,

I believe that you mean well. But you are too anxious to have a man in your life. So you are moving from man to man and you are going to get hurt. These men are just going to use you and move on, especially when they find that they can't do whatever they want with you.

Your mother has not tried to protect you. You are fortunate that you have a job. Try and keep your job. And try and go back to school and become a professional. Even the man who you are talking to, you don't know him well. So don't throw yourself at him. It takes time for a man to know a woman and for a woman to know a man and to become lovers. I repeat, you will get hurt if you do not use common sense. So be wise and please protect yourself.


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