Spouse got my cousin pregnant

August 12, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am not married but I have been living with this man for over 10 years. When we started living together, he told me he always promised himself that the first woman he got pregnant, he would marry her.

I got pregnant after six months and he changed his mind and said I got pregnant too fast and he was not ready. I wasn't ready either so I didn't make that bother me.

Two years went by and I told him that it was time for us to get married because I wanted to go back to church. He said he had something to tell me. That same night while we were in bed, the man said he didn't know what to do because he got another woman pregnant. I asked him how could that happen and he said he made a mistake. So he asked me to forgive him.

The girl was my cousin who spent one week with us. I did not see him show any special interest in her. When he told me, she was already six months pregnant. This girl has a boyfriend. She went back to the country, slept with her boyfriend and pretended that he got her pregnant. I asked her mother if she knew that her daughter was pregnant and she said yes. The young man promised to marry her as soon as she gave birth. But the child resembles my common-law husband. That girl is so wicked to lie to her boyfriend and to get him to believe that he impregnated her.

My common-law husband was trying to tell me the truth because he didn't want me to leave him. I cannot stay with him because it is not that I ever held out and refused to give him sex. He got it anytime he wanted it and he got it in any type of style. I asked him whether he was sure that he got my cousin pregnant and he said yes because in the heat of the moment when he was in bed with her, he realised that he did not have a condom. He had planned to withdraw when he was about to ejaculate but it didn't happen.

Even if the child is not his, I am leaving this man because he deceived me and I have spent a lot of money on him. I know you are going to say that I should try to forgive him but I cannot. I told him that if he does not want to support the child we have together, I will do it alone. I would like to hear what you have to say.

K D.

Dear K. D.,

You have made up your mind not to forgive this man. He is a very careless man. He did not try to protect himself and the relationship he had with you.

You didn't give your cousin's age, but regardless of her age, that is no excuse. I hope that you will insist that he supports the child that both of you have together. You were wrong to tell him that you will do it alone. You should not be so easy on him. It is his responsibility as well as yours.

I would also like to say that your cousin should speak the truth. She should not continue to give her boyfriend the impression that he is the father of her child. Perhaps you should let her mother know the truth. After the young man becomes aware that he is not the father, if he wants to stay with your cousin that would be up to him. But he should know the truth.


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