Husband keeps ‘pulling out’

Dear Pastor,

I am a Christian woman and I have three children. I do not want to have any more children. My husband and I are practising the withdrawal method.

But no disrespect to you, Pastor, to me that is the sweetest part of sex with my husband. I can feel when he is about to climax, and then my husband suddenly pulls out and spills it on the sheet. Often I am very angry. He does not want to ejaculate in me any more and I feel unsatisfied.

I discussed this with some of my girlfriends and they say that they are not taking that risk of having sex and the man is promising to withdraw. One of them even said that her husband practised that method and she still got pregnant.

My children are young and attending school. We cannot afford another child. My husband and I are working but we do not make a lot of money and we are trying to keep out of debt. Some people say that when a man withdraws from the vagina and puts his semen on the ground, he is committing a sin. Is that true?

Sometimes I do want to make love to my husband, but I am afraid to do so. What do you suggest that we do?

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

If you do not want to have more children, why don't you encourage your husband to use the condom? Or you can discuss with your gynaecologist about using the contraceptive diaphragm to protect against pregnancy. It is said that this method is over 72 per cent effective. You can also consider using the female condom. That condom is inserted in the vagina, and after intercourse, it is disposed. That too is over 90 per cent effective. These methods would put pressure on you as the woman to protect yourself from pregnancy.

I am sure that you are aware that the condom for men is still considered the safest method. But the other types of contraceptives should not be ruled out. Before I go, let me say that the withdrawal method is the most unreliable method, and many women whose men have practised it have become pregnant. Sperm seep through the man's penis long before the actual ejaculation occurs. So please don't rely on the withdrawal method; it is just not safe.

Pastor