Elderly boyfriend trying to get me pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am a 30-year-old mother of three children. They are by two different men. Since having these children, I have settled down and I have a stable relationship with a man who lost his wife in an accident. He is 50 but looks younger than his age. He has two daughters who are married and living abroad with their husbands. He has a nice house and he has a good job. He does not like to talk about himself, but he is way above me when it comes to education. He is encouraging me to go back to school.

I spoke to his daughters on the phone, but I have not yet met them. They told me that they are glad that their father has found someone he loves and they hope that I will take good care of him. I hope to meet them this year.

I told this man that I do not want any more children. He said that he is not forcing me to have any, yet he is not using the condoms that I bought for him. I told him that if he was not using them, I would have to stop having sex with him, and I would have to go my way. I don't mean to leave him because he is the best man I ever met, but I think quietly he would like to get me pregnant. He hasn't told me so, but if he doesn't want to get me pregnant then he should use the condom.

My mother loves him and she asked him whether he wanted more children and he told her it would be up to me. He did not say yes or no. The fathers of my children sometimes take them for weekends. One of them is always questioning his son about my boyfriend. He told him that he was going to have an old man as his stepfather. My son told me everything he said and I called him and told him that life did not have to be this way if he had treated me right.

This man I am with does not even question me about the fathers of my children. If I say that they need something, he gives me the money to buy it. But I am so scared to become pregnant again. I need your advice.

R.H.

Dear R.H.,

You are a grown woman and you know that by the actions of the man you are now presently with, he does not want to use the condom. You bought condoms so it is not a matter of him saying he does not have any. They are available for him to use. When he wants to be intimate with you, you should try to put a condom on his penis and see how he reacts. If he does not object to you doing that, then you would have won him over. The only problem about that is that you would have to take that initiative all the time.

But I do want to ask you this question, why is it that you have not taken steps to protect yourself? You are a grown woman and you know that there are so many different ways a woman can protect herself. In fact, it does not make much sense in complaining about what this man will not do. You can go to your doctor and have him tell you what type of contraceptive you should use.

I am glad that you have found a man who loves you and is taking care of you. He is encouraging you to go back to school; you should. You are still young and you should not give up on getting a good education. By the way, this man who told his son that he was getting an old man as his stepfather is rude and out of order. He is trying to set up his child against your man. Don't take him on. Perhaps he is jealous of your current man.

Pastor