Girlfriend does not want to go out with me

January 25, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 33 years old and I have a girlfriend who is 23. When I met her and we were talking about life and our future together, I invited her out. She told me she would think about it.

She did not say no or yes. I asked her what was there for her to think about and she told me that I told her that I had a sexual disease, and she said she was afraid of that. Her mother, who is a nurse, told her that a person could get an STI even without having sex. She said her mother told her that when she was 16 and she always remembered that. She promised herself that she would not go with any man who suffers from an STI.

I love this girl so much and I cannot see myself without her. Sometimes we talk for hours on the phone and my mother asks me if I don't have to go to work the following day, and if I am not tired from talking so long. I told my mother I was talking to my girlfriend and she said this girl must be very special.

Pastor, is it true that you can catch an STI by using the same rag or towel of an infected person? That is what my girlfriend said. I think she is trying to make excuses for not going out with me.

But, I am not giving up on her. At the same time, she says that she loves me and she believes that we will make beautiful children. She used to have a boyfriend but he got involved with her best friend. She told her that the only thing they did was kiss. She said if he had kissed another girl, she would have forgiven him, but he should have never got involved with her best friend. She does not even talk to her any more. Now she is having a problem dealing with me because I told her that I once contracted an STI.

This girl is short and I am tall. I think she likes me because I am of brown complexion. She is also of brown complexion and that is why she mentioned that we would have lovely children. I do not love her because she is brown, I love her because she is smart and she comes from a very respectable family. I crave your advice. I respect you, sir.


Dear W.,

You seem very worried about the reluctance of this young woman to assure you that everything will be alright with you and it will be just a matter of time for both of you to become very close. I want to believe there is much more than what you told this young lady about your STI. After telling her about this unfortunate experience, she might have thought that you were playing around with different women. You have not yet been able to convince her that you were not a playboy, so to speak.

Perhaps she has told herself that you might catch this disease again and this time pass it on to her. You may have to discuss this matter with your doctor and let him advise you about what you can do to prove to this lady that you are clean.

You love her so you should be willing to go the extra mile to convince her that you are sexually healthy. This girl told you that her mother told her that one can get certain STIs from the same rag used by a person who is infected. I suggest that you also discuss that with a medical doctor. What her mother told her is something that is commonly believed. But what we know for sure is that STIs are transmitted by vaginal sex, anal sex, and oral sex.

Don't give up on this young lady. Everything might work out well for you. I wish you well.


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