13 years and no sex for mean man

January 31, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 47 years old and I am in a relationship for the past 13 years with a man who is 44 years old. At first the relationship was good, but after a while we seem to have drifted apart for many reasons. We are both professional people. He lives with his mother, sister and nephews. I live alone after my parents died.

Pastor, the reason why I am writing to you is this. He does not give me anything. If we go out together, I have to pay half of the bill and he pays half. Sometimes I will pay for both of us, or sometimes he may pay. I became ill and I had to spend a lot of money to do tests, buy medications, and on doctor's visits. He has never asked me how I am managing with all these expenses. I have to pay all the bills on my own, buy food, maintain my car, and repair my house. I had to take out loans to help with my expenses or borrow from friends.

This man only comes to my house occasionally, and then he leaves, although he knows that I live alone. He does not know whether I am a man or a woman.


Dear S.G.,

As I see it, this man does not care about this relationship. Although you have known him for 13 years, instead of the relationship getting better, it is getting worse. If this man cared for you, he would have assisted you in many different ways.

He knows that you are struggling financially and you are trying to live an upright life. You are endeavouring to pay your bills and he has never once offered to assist you.

Therefore, I wish to ask you what are your reasons why you are consider him as your man. Whenever both of you go out, he wants you to pay half of the bills. He goes Dutch. He is an inconsiderate man. A good man would even offer to pay your doctor bills. And if he couldn't give you money to pay all of it, he would give you some money to pay the doctor and to fill your prescription. So, I asked you again. Why are you still having a relationship with this man?

I think I understand what you say when you say he doesn't know whether you are a man or a woman. Do you think he has become a 'converted' man? I am sure you would have said that if that were the case. You have wasted 13 precious years and if you had a good man in your life, you could have been very, very happy. I suppose you were hoping that this man would change, but you were wrong. He has been very mean to you, and mean men don't change. Many of them depend on women to support them.

You are 47 years old, don't spend another cent on this man. You have wasted enough time on him. You are under too much stress, young lady. Therefore, it is time to tell this man that it is time for you to go your separate ways. Perhaps, in his mind, he is already gone and that is why he only visits you occasionally. Don't waste any more time on him. I will be praying for you.


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