My wife falls asleep during sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and my wife is 35. She holds a very important job. We find ourselves not spending as much quality time with each other as before.

My wife travels frequently on company business, but I cannot always go with her because I cannot get the time off from my job. I have gone with her a few times. Even though I would pay for my ticket, time is the problem that I have. The few times I was able to travel with my wife, I enjoyed the time with her, and I wish that those days and nights that we were together were longer.

This is my wife's second marriage. She likes to say that she chose me over all the men that she had met in business and all who wanted to be intimate with her. I would not say that my wife is wealthy; I prefer to say that she is well off. We do not have children together, but I have a daughter, who spends time with us at our house. My wife has also talked about adopting her, but her mother would never give her up. I know the child would be better off and able to attend good schools.

I don't know why I am writing to you complaining about my situation. Sometimes when I want to have private time with my wife, I see that she is trying to meet my needs but she is tired. I have high respect for you. But I must tell you that sometimes my wife is so tired that she falls asleep while we are having sex. I feel very guilty when she falls asleep.

My wife tried to become pregnant during her first marriage; it didn't work, so she gave up. We have never used protection, and I have made up my mind not to bother about that. My mother asked me whether I was not considering having another child. I told her no and left it at that. My mother said having one child is not enough. My wife and I don't even discuss having children any more.

S.T.

Dear S.T.,

If your wife is happy and you are happy, then enjoy each other whenever you are able to spend time together. You did not say what type of work your wife does, but it must be a very important job indeed. You are fortunate to have a good woman in your life. You would like to have sex more frequently, but don't allow your desire for sex to ruin your marriage. I use the word 'ruin', because sex and money are the two factors that can make or destroy a marriage. I wonder how many men can say that their wives fall asleep when they are making love to them. I can remember that in a counselling session, a woman said that to me. So I don't doubt you at all.

Sir, the day may come when you will be able to get lots of time off from your work to travel with your wife. I knew a politician who used to take his girlfriend with him on foreign trips. He paid her fare so that no one would accuse him of using government money to take his girlfriend with him.

I have a feeling that many are jealous of you because you don't have to struggle to support your wife. In fact, both of you are supporting each other. So I can only say to you, take good care of each other and work with your wife in every way.

Pastor