Don’t want a man until I get married

March 13, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I am living at home. My mother has passed on, but my father and brother are here. I am attending teachers' college and I have another year to go.

My brother is working and he helps me financially. My father spent a lot of money on my mother. Since she passed on, my father has really changed. He comes home earlier and he checks to see if I am alright.

Before I leave for school, I make his breakfast and I make sure that when I get home, I cook. Sometimes my brother cooks. My brother has a girlfriend and she is very demanding. She wants him to be around her 24/7, and my brother is always complaining about that. My father does not owe any mortgage, and he told me that the house is for my brother and me.

I know I could not live with my brother and his girlfriend. She is not very tidy. I have a secret plan which I have not told my brother. But whenever my father passes, I would like my brother to agree for us to sell the house and divide the money between us, so that we can have our own home.

I used to have a boyfriend, but I gave him up because all he wanted was sex. He didn't have a plan for us. I tried to get him to go back to school, but he was not interested in doing that. He was not the first man in my life. My first boyfriend was a policeman, but he kept cheating on me, and then I got an infection.. The doctor asked me how long I had this boyfriend. I told him we had been together for more than a year. He told me to ask him to come and see him, but he did not go. So I stopped having sex with him, and I promised myself that I did not want any other man until I am married. It has been more than two years that I have not had sex. No disrespect to you Pastor, but I know how to pleasure myself.

This guy occasionally calls me to say how sorry he is for passing on a disease to me. But I do not want him back in my life. Do you blame me?


Dear H.H.,

I am sorry to hear that your mother has passed on. I could sense that you come from a very good family. You have a very caring father, and you are a wise young lady.

Your brother and you seem to get along very well also. I want you to continue to show much love to your father and to take care of him the best way you can. I am glad that you are in college. Don't give up on that.

Your father has declared that the house is for your brother and you. Make sure that he writes a will so that after his death, it can be probated and you will receive your share of the property. Sometimes parents tell children what they will give to them, but no will is made and it creates lots of problems.

Don't get involved with any man who is not progressive, and never have unprotected sex. If you do, you will live to regret it. After graduation, make sure that you save and invest from the first pay cheque you receive.

Your brother's girlfriend surely need some help. Encourage your brother to make an appointment for both of them to see a family counsellor. Every girl should learn to be ambitious and to take good care of a home and of her man. I wish you well.


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